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health & wellness motherhood

where the hurt is

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After marrying young, after becoming a stepmother, after giving birth three times to four babies in less than four years, after establishing a career as a surgical nurse… I consider myself somewhat of an expert on pain & discomfort.

When I was pregnant with Ames, I listened to a friend share two of her birth stories. She’d had both babies at home, but her experiences were starkly different. During her first, she reminisced about running away from the pain. Avoiding the hurt seems to drag things out during a birth and she enjoyed an easier labor the next time, when she faced things head-on. I found this to be true myself, about halfway through my labor with Ames. Once I stopped fighting and pacing and huffing and puffing, once I quieted myself and took my brain and my heart right to where things hurt, the process picked up. Recovering from the twins’ c-section and laboring through Hadassah’s VBAC were both much more rewarding experiences once I learned how to hurt. Even the subsequent hormonal postpartum seasons have been more manageable, now that I know how to go where the hurt is.

I eventually began to incorporate this into other areas of my life. I spent my first year of marriage running away from the pain, picking fights on the wrong topics, withholding affections or affirmations for the wrong reasons. Now, I know how to go where the hurt is. I know how to communicate the parts that involve my husband, and settle in on the things that are actually about me. I’ve learned how to get offended with grace, in work and at church and online. I hear the hurt, I read the hurt, I process the hurt. I take hold of the parts that are true and I learn from them. I allow myself to ache a bit before addressing the hurt and moving on from it. Then, I try to never return to it. I’m not good at this by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m learning.

I see it every day with my patients; it’s become one of my favorite things, to coach them through this concept. When I’m pulling a patient up for the first time after a knee replacement, I try to position my face close to theirs. As they groan and gasp and fight to use that new joint, I whisper over and over, Don’t fight it. Go to where the pain is. Sit in it. Breathe through it. When I’m helping a woman to the bathroom for the first time after a major abdominal surgery and she sees that incision, I smile for her. It feels ugly, I know. You are hurting. It hurts. And it’s going to get better.

I see it in my community, both online and off. Women losing babies, losing marriages, losing their minds. Their friends and family mean well, so they give them Bible verses or sing-song words of encouragement. Not me. Not yet. Here’s the thing about pain, y’all. We must learn how to do it well. Hurt comes naturally to all of us, but handling it well does not. It helps to sit under people, to hear things spoken over us, to explore different painful situations on our own. Learning to hurt effectively is an art. I’m convinced of it.

Is that you today? Are you in pain as you read this? Then stay right there. Go where the hurt is. Sit in it, roll around in it, let it change your life forever. When you’re ready to take a deep breath and a first step, it won’t be a moment too soon.

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health & wellness life lately

dinner & a bath

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I’m pretty busy these days. Obvious, right? People always seem to want to know how I fit it all in, but the truth is… I never felt busy until now. There were three days of work, and three days of rest. There was one full day at church, and a few errands to run throughout the week. I’m not sure if it was Hadassah Lee’s arrival or the twins turning into toddlers or the big boys’ return to school, but it all got so busy so suddenly. And this isn’t the gross, approval-seeking kind of busy to which I referred last week. This is an exhilarating, we’ll-never-be-in-this-life-stage-again-so-let’s-soak-it-up kind of busy. This is the kind of busy that makes me plop onto the couch at the end of the night with a whoosh and an amen. Most days, this kind of busy sucks out nearly every ounce of my energy and yet I feel surprisingly refreshed. The exhaustion is fulfilling. I love it.

A friend once told me he’d like to move to thirty-six hour days, in order to gain enough time to get it all done and still obtain a decent night’s sleep. I feel the sentiment. I am not naive in thinking that I wouldn’t still find more things to cram into my days, but the idea of a few more hours does seem nice. Since that ain’t gonna happen, I’m choosing instead to keep things moving. I try to plan ahead, make time for rest, and enjoy the ride. Quite often, I don’t quite manage to fit everything in. Sometimes, there’s still work to be done. After I finish a long shift or an action-packed day at home, there are still meals to be eaten and baths to be taken. And that’s okay. There will be a little more time tomorrow, and the  day after that. So I eat my dinner in the tub and keep things moving.

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health & wellness household management motherhood skincare

so long, winter skin.


With winter nearly behind us, I figured it was time to come up for air and share some of our favorite cold-weather skincare products. As you can see in the above photos, Ames battles chapped cheeks all winter long. He also has a nasty habit of wiping his nose across his face, making matters worse. The girls’ sweet little legs stay rough most of the cold season, and the rest of us get the typical dry itchy stuff. So what works? We’ve found quite a few skin treats we love!

BabyGanics Daily Lotion. Head to toe, morning and night.
BabyGanics Excema Care Cream. Head to toe, after baths.
California Baby Diaper Rash Cream. On chapped spots; not just for bottoms.
Sugar Bear Skincare Excema Salve. Arms and legs, after baths.
Aquaphor. Old faithful; on face before outdoors and bedtime.

Although I’ve collected them throughout the years, almost all of these products can be purchased at The Baby Grocery Store. Don’t forget, online shoppers enjoy free shipping on most items! Hopefully, we’ll be able to take it down to just one or two items once the weather turns warm. We’ll see. Until then, we’ll keep slatherin’ and soothin’ with what we’ve got!

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health & wellness motherhood

what’s different this time around

I didn’t leave Ames until my first day back to work (5 weeks postpartum). The only time he was ever out of my sight was when Chris would hold him for a few hours at night to let me sleep. I even showered with him in the bathroom, so that I could peek at him in the moses basket every minute or so. Yet I was so resentful! I cried almost every time he cried. I looked things up on the internet and wore myself out trying to be perfect. I asked Chris how he managed to stay so calm and laid-back about everything. Why was I so bad at this? I was born to be a mom, dangit! I shudder to remember how I felt when this picture was taken:
This time, I’m taking breaks and taking ’em often. Once a day or so, I sit out back on our patio. I try to time it right, when the sun hits the picnic table. I take a few minutes to soak up the sun and take deep breaths. It doesn’t matter if it’s been an easy or hard day. I just sit. No babies, no toddlers, no big boys, no husband. Just momma & the sun. This is usually when Chris brings out a placenta pill & something to drink, for fear that I might try to burn the house down. I also had my mom come over one afternoon, to sit with the babies while I ran an errand with Chris. We were gone an hour. It was so nice to just sit in the car alone with him, even that soon after the babies’ birth.
I’ve also been taking better care of my breasts. That probably sounds funny. But I’m serious. Last time, I battled yeast & thrush for more than two months. It was miserable. With twins, your boobs don’t get a break. It’s not like you can just nurse from one side and give the other one time to heal. So I’m not taking my chances. I passed on the disposable nursing pads I loved so dearly with Ames. I’m now a fan of these guys, from Babies R Us. Instead of trying to get more use out of them, I throw them in the dirty laundry every night. I’m also wearing this totally-unflattering-but-perfectly-cotton nursing bra around the house, instead of the synthetic & expensive badboys I wore last time (they’re still awesome; I’ll wear ’em when I’m back to work).
Lastly, I’ve forced myself to relax. I don’t obsess over pacifiers & germs & nipple confusion & how much milk to pump before I return to work. I nurse my babies, not the clock. I don’t plan hours ahead as to who is visiting and what the babies will wear and how much time I have to bathe them. In fact, they still have yet to partake in a real bath. I just follow their cues to eat and enjoy the time in between. We’ve been trying to spend time outside, now that it’s warmer. I tell ya, springtime babies & their families have it made!
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health & wellness motherhood

Carolina Placenta Lady giveaway *CLOSED*

It’s about to get really crunchy up in here.
I choose to ingest my placentas after childbirth.
If you’re still reading, let me explain…
I stumbled upon this website during my pregnancy with Ames. I wanted to use any and every weapon I could to fight off postpartum depression. And of course I wanted to give my milk supply a boost, especially because I was returning back to work so soon. The placenta acts as a filter, sort of like a liver, during pregnancy. It also has the capability to give nutrients back to your body, after birth. I’ve found it provides a sort-of balance after the giant hormonal shift during the postpartum phase.
After his birth, we dehydrated Ames’ placenta to the best of our ability. It smelled almost sweet as it dried in the oven, but it wasn’t unpleasant. However, we were unable to dry it enough and grind it appropriately into a powder, to put into capsules. 
All that was left was a small piece of raw placenta that we’d placed in a mason jar and filled with vodka. This was to be used as a tincture, after it steeped in the freezer for six weeks (perfect timing for my return to work). I put a small spoonful of the vodka in a glass of juice once a day. It’s not actually “eating” the placenta, like one might picture. Placebo effect or not, this really worked for my family. When we became pregnant again, we decided to use a professional for this placenta.
Thanks to Christina from Carolina Placenta Lady, we were able to get the twins’ placenta encapsulated within twenty-four hours of their birth! She included a card with dosage instructions, as well as the dehydrated umbilical cords in a pretty little fabric pouch. They were woven together in the shape of a heart.  The pouch hangs in their nursery, not unlike a lock of hair from a toddler’s first cut.
Carolina Placenta Lady’s website offers a whole host of resources and reading material, if one is interested in learning more about placenta encapsulation & ingestion. And thanks to Christina, one of you local ladies is going to win a free placenta encapsulation!

To enter: “LIKE” Carolina Placenta Lady on Facebook. Come back here & tell me you did, leaving your email address. I’ll draw a winner April 19. Thanks, and good luck!
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health & wellness motherhood

from home birth to caesarean?

So I almost had my babies yesterday…okay, well not really. 
but I did think that I might have my babies yesterday.
I’d been up since the wee hours, contracting & sick to my stomach. I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say I love my husband now more than ever. The man cleaned up after me countless times, even stopping at one point a to smell a puddle on the floor and say, “Babe! This doesn’t smell like pee; it might be your water!” You get the idea. We were trying to push past the gross and stay positive. Around 5:30am, we decided to head into the hospital. This was how my labor started with Ames, and I didn’t want to labor long at home if this was the real deal.
I guess this means it’s time to be honest with myself & everyone else. The sisters are most likely coming via c-section. The double-breech presentation has virtually set the course for us. None of the doctors or midwives with whom I’ve spoken have ever caught a set of breech/breech babies vaginally. Although I’m a staunch advocate for home birth, I’m not comfortable attempting this one at home. As for a hospital birth, no OB will even consider an option other than c-section. So not only is a home birth out of the question, but a vaginal birth is most likely not happening, either.
It’s been a surreal process, getting used to the idea of having my babies pulled from me in an operating room. At some point, though, I decided to accept advances in medicine & technology as positive processes put in place to keep my family safe. I choose to believe in the medical model, the hospital for which I work, and the doctors with whom I’ve developed a relationship over these last few months. I’ve received an amazing amount of support from home birth midwives, L&D staff, and my doctor’s practice. I feel nervous but at peace about the way the sisters are to make their arrival.
Back to yesterday morning. My father-in-law pulled up the driveway a little after 6am to pick up a very sleepy but cheerful Ames. While Chris loaded up the carseat, the boy toddled up behind me as I wretched into the toilet. He cooed at me, smiling ear to ear and pointing like he’d discovered a new toy. Gross, kid! Get away from your sick Momma! 
We hopped in the Suburban and headed to the hospital. Chris prayed for us while I sucked air through a wet washcloth soaked in peppermint oil… it’s my panacea for feeling yucky! We got to the maternity center and checked into a triage room. The monitor, the stretcher, the gown… the whole process is terribly uncomfortable! I don’t see how women do that for hours on end. Thankfully, the nurse let me get into a comfortable position on my side before hooking me up to the monitor. The twins were moving around a lot, but their heart rates were loud and fast and strong.
During one particularly proud moment, I motioned that I needed to get to a bathroom STAT. The nurse unhooked the monitor and followed me down the hall, cords trailing. Chris held my gown together. I barely made it to the bathroom before I got sick again. Chris held my hair back and murmured, “Good job, babe.” I sure hope he was proud – I was totally trying my best to barf with the best of ’em! Meanwhile, the nurse clucked in an almost motherly fashion, rubbing my back and getting me wet washcloths.
When our parade returned to the triage room, a doctor came in to check me. It was discovered that the speculum light didn’t work, and the bed wouldn’t break down. Chris snorted back a laugh…it was truly a comedic sight, me with my legs splayed out while different nurses came in to manhandle the bed. The doctor just rolled his eyes and patted my leg. He was great.
The verdict – I was barely dilated and my water was still intact. [Meaning: it WAS a puddle of pee that my husband mopped up earlier that morning, like he would a dog’s or our son’s. Good gracious.] My contractions weren’t getting any closer together or more intense, either. They offered to start me on IV fluids and give me some medication for nausea, both of which I refused. If they weren’t going to take the girls today, I just wanted to get home to my own bed. To be honest, I was a little bummed that I wasn’t in labor. I’ve never been through anything like this before. A good part of me is just ready for it to be over.
I came home and slept for a few hours, after keeping some Gatorade & toast down. Meanwhile, it seems that every single one of my (adult) family members has gotten sick – three different houses, three different cities. We cannot trace it to one person or meal or event, but we’re all feeling gross after spending time together this weekend. Hopefully, it’s a viral thing that will pass in the next day or so.
I know the girls will come when they’re ready. I’m feeling pretty miserable, but I’m trying to stay positive. They are still cooking and growing. I am thankful that we’ve all made it this far!

How about a picture of the belly, after all of my potty talk? Here we are this morning, at 35wks & some change… I’m feeling much better, but Chris is barely conscious. Don’t mind our comfy clothes, or the fact that our new dining table has no chairs. I ruined the plans for an Ikea trip yesterday morning!


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