Our sweet Jolene was spayed yesterday, and I find myself overwhelmed with the emotional labor it takes to get a 100+ pound, vulnerable, non-verbal creature through such a traumatic, life-altering procedure. The meds are many and the incision is inches — inches! — long. I’ve been navigating this stuff with humans for decades, but I can’t explain a thing to her. We do not deserve dogs.
The kids and Chris reached an agreement today, on a who-cleans-what and who-rides-in-which-seat rotation. The house hasn’t seen such peace in week, months, years? Praise be.
We may be eating in front of the TV too much these days, but everyone agrees on Gilmore Girls. Besides, they ate my pizza with avocado and arugula on it tonight and even asked for seconds.
Items necessary for a successful supper these days: a way-beforehand-plan, foods that are green, water. The nice-to-have elements, which will come and go: side items, bread, dessert, fun beverages, fresh flowers, a set table, a full table. Freedom; go forth and feed the people you’ve got.
Occasionally, I get to write for magazines, newsletters, blogs, and everything in between. It’s neat to go back and read my words from another time. There’s always room for grace and growth and a smile or head nod. Here’s a fun interview I did with Kennesha Buycks in February 2019. Find the original here.
Tell us the story of your home. (go as deep or stay as superficial as you want with these) To you, what sets it ap1. Tell us the story of your home. (go as deep or stay as superficial as you want with these) To you, what sets it apart or makes it unique aside from the fact that you and your family are the ones who live in it.
My husband and I scooped up our dream home near our hometown several years back. It’s got farmhouse vibes and was built in 1890. It sits on a few acres and we’re living the dream with some chickens and a rope swing. We’re not in a position financially to remodel the entire thing, but it’s fun to work on one room at a time and really make it our own.
How would you describe your personal home style?
If I had to name my aesthetic, it would be, “You’d never know six kids grew up here.” The walls and couches are white, and the toys are tucked away. I keep a pretty minimalist and tidy home. I find it brings a sense of serenity and security to the chaos that tends to accompany large families with full lives.
What is your favorite space in your home and why?
Probably my bedroom! It’s free of technology and pictures and the bed is comfortable. I also love the spot on my couch where I read my Bible most mornings. The sun creeps in and the whole world feels ripe with possibility when I’m sitting there, reading and sipping my iced coffee.
If you could share one thing about yourself with readers that you’ve perhaps never shared publicly or via social media, what would it be?
Gosh, that’s hard! I’ve been online since dial-up internet! I will say people are often surprised to find that I’m an introvert, because I stay pretty bubbly on social media. I love being around people but I feel most charged up after a few hours alone. I can power through an entire book on Audible in a single day if you’ll let me!
What was life like for you growing up in your childhood home?
I had a glorious childhood. My little brother and I talk about this all of the time. We spent our formative years in a small neighborhood with a pool and tennis courts, the kind of neighborhood where you could bicycle everywhere and stay out after dark. My childhood bedroom was a fun space, too, one that my parents did their best to personalize for me. My favorite bedroom setup had pale yellow walls and sky-blue bedding with clouds on it. I went through a zebra phase later, too.
What does home mean to you? What do you want others to feel when they enter/spend time in your home?
Home means peace. No matter the location, no matter how many times home must change, I always want my family and guests to feel a sense of peace. Jesus lives in our home and I want folks to really experience him just from hanging out with us at home.
Proudest DIY?
I guess I’d have to say our chicken coop, which my grandfather designed and helped us build. Or maybe the floating bookshelves that I dreamed up and my husband installed in less than an hour! There’s a pattern here… I dream of beautiful things, and the men I love make them come true for me.
Do you think you’ve learned to embrace your story? Your home? Why or why not? Explain.
Great questions! I’d say I’ve learned to embrace my story. I’m quite comfortable with my past and present, and expectant for my future. It is far more difficult to be content with my home. We’re working with a bare bones kitchen and bathrooms, for example, and I struggle with the notion of my kids outgrowing the space before it ever fully feels like ours. What helps, though, is seeing photos and memories made in the house as is, knowing that my family is content here and it’s okay if we never get the floors redone or a real shower installed.
If there was one piece of advice that you could give to others as to how to embrace their home and their story, what would that sound like?
Clear the clutter! For real. Your kids will survive with less toys. Your kitchen can handle fewer dishes. Your closet won’t miss the clothes you never wear anyway. Pick one room at a time, and clear the clutter. I’ve found that having less things in my home actually makes it feel bigger, cleaner, and readier to host. Not only that, but having less to clean up or worry about gives me more time and space to focus on the things that matter.
How does what you do currently in your professional life/ministry tie into this idea that home is “more than just a place we live” and that it holds much more of a redemptive and restorative power than we may currently embrace culturally?
I work in healthcare, as a hospice nurse. My husband works, in vocational ministry as a worship pastor. In a sense, we both pour ourselves out for a living. Home is place where we fill back up. Home is where we start our days, side by side on the couch in our Bibles. Home is where we reflect and reset, so we can refresh the world we meet when we walk out of its doors.
I’ve been back in school for three years now. Combine the workload with my day job as a nurse with a season of raising small children with the personality of an introvert, and it’s easy to see how my bedroom became a sanctuary. My husband painted it white for me as soon as we moved in. We went with simple bedding, minimal furniture, no pictures, no clutter. The kids know to always knock first if the door is closed. We don’t even have a lock on that thing. They don’t even touch the doorknob.
I spent hours reading my Bible there, typing out papers, and reading for pleasure before bed. But there were also naps and conference calls that weren’t necessary. There were also black holes of internet scrolling with the blankets pulled up to my chin in the middle of the afternoon.
For some folks, the bedroom might be an helpful spot for a home office or destination getaway. For me, over the last few years, my bedroom became home base. Remember playing tag as a child? If I could just get to home base, I’d be immune and safe. I could close the door and disconnect. It was easy to use my mom voice, “I need a minute – please leave me alone.” But that minute turned into an hour or more, valuable time that could be spent doing more to fill my soul and less to focus on myself and how hard this season is.
So in 2019, the bedroom changes. I still need a space to sneak away for a minute when needed, sure. But I don’t need a black hole in which to numb. My kids understand the complexity of our family’s schedules and respectfully give me time and space whenever I ask, but there’s no good or healthy reason for me to disappear for hours on end to my bed.
Practically speaking, here’s what it looks like for me…
A technology-free bedroom. My phone is out. I bought an alarm clock on Amazon and removed the phone charger from my side of the bed. Sometimes I take calls in there if I need quiet, but I try to park my phone on the hall table every time I walk into my room. It charges in the adjacent room at night, ringer on high for emergencies. Additionally, my computer is out. No more school work in bed. I sit in the dining room with the door closed if I need to concentrate, but I try to do most of my work in the kitchen where my kids can access me if needed.
A task-free bedroom. I no longer take whatever I’m working on into my bedroom. This could be eating, or meal-planning, or reading my Bible. I’m spending a lot more time in the den, even if nobody else is at home. I’m trying to build healthy habits and take up healthy space in my house.
To simplify the bedroom is to engage in spiritual warfare. For me, at least. I know what happens if I lie horizontal too long. I know what happens when all of my lines get blurred and routines run together. Life begins to feel foggy, and I lose sight of the God who called me to this life and sustains me to keep at it.
And so, I fight. I sit upright and read my Bible and find my Heavenly Father in its pages. I plant my rear end on a hard chair to type papers and count the days until graduation. I choose to only participate in sleep and sex (and an occasional argument or two) in my bed, to protect my space and my heart and my family. My bedroom is still a sanctuary, but now the whole house is too. Because my God is big and powerful like that.
I started this post during my "this is how we do it" series in 2017, and am only just now finishing it! Carry on.
Obviously, ground rules first. I’m a registered nurse and I only just started vaccinating my kids. So there’s that.
I get a lot of questions about health and wellness because of my profession, and because of my family size. When one of of us comes down with something, we typically all follow suit at some point. It gives me that much more motivation to try and keep us all as healthy as possible. I know as soon as I publish this post, my family will contact some bizarre exotic virus. However, I’m writing it anyway, for two reasons. First, we were recently kicked out of our primary care office for being too healthy. Like, we did not use a single sick visit all year and were therefore going to be charged as new patients… even for the kids’ yearly physicals. Second, last winter was the first one without a single stomach bug in the house. After twelve straight months of no vomiting, I decided to start writing this post, most assuredly to seal my plague fate for this winter (it happened).
PREVENTION.
Like any good healthcare provider, I’m going to tell you to stay healthy so you don’t have to get healthy. In our family, that looks like one might expect. We exercise, we eat healthy at home, we drink a lot of water, and we try to sleep well at night. I carry disinfectant wipes, hand sanitizer, and Lysol in my purse at all times. But my kids also bathe only once per week and eat off of the actual ground, too.
I take supplements every night; I do believe they help with immune support. My regimen currently consists of a probiotic and turmeric every night, with garlic and cranberry on occasion. I’ve noticed improvement in my gut, my skin, and my mood. My husband puts me on a short course of zinc whenever I feel I’m getting a cold, and the kids take a multivitamin when I remember to hand them out. In the winter, I keep an essential oil blend in a roller ball bottle with me at all times. It goes on the kids and myself most nights (feet and belly buttons and sometimes spines). We also take colloidal silver and elderberry syrup during episodes of the creeping crud.
A giant jug of hand sanitizer sit on the bathroom floor by the door, so even the little kids remember to clean their hands on the way out. I clean the bathrooms with bleach, and the doorknobs and light switches with Lysol, on the same day every week so I don’t forget.
TREATMENT.
When we’re sick, we start by trying to wait it out. My kids have never been to the doctor for symptoms of a common cold, stomach bug, etc. We figure that since typical viruses aren’t treatable anyway, what’s the point in spending all of that money to hear someone tell you to go home and wait it out? I also don’t treat fevers most of the time. Because a fever is the body’s natural response to a foreign invader, I’d rather get the whole battle over with as quickly as possible. The exceptions? I’ll medicate a fever to help my children rest for a short period of time, and I’d also medicate if a fever was getting really high really fast. I just caught myself doing that parent fib thing. The truth is a) it’s been years since I used a thermometer and b) new literature actually links febrile seizures to genetics and not a sudden temperature spike. Long story short, all of our family fevers have resolved with sleep and a good sweat session.
WHERE BEING CRUNCHY HELPS.
We swallow garlic cloves whole and tape them into ears. We take shots of apple cider vinegar. My husband makes a drink that will knock a chest cold right outta here. Coconut oil is our lotion of choice. Essential oils really do work for us, when it comes to certain ailments. I’ve used them every which way possible, from drops in the bathtub to capsules to undiluted to a blend with a carrier. Generally, I believe that nature has a place in healthcare culture, even in the world of advanced medicine and technology. My wound care weapons of choice? Apinol for cuts/scrapes, and honey for open wounds that take time to heal.
WHERE BEING A NURSE HELPS.
I have to regularly remind myself that bacteria and viruses are very different processes, with different symptoms and different treatment protocols. Diarrhea is typically defined as several loose stools in twenty-four hours, not just one or two. Kids are typically much better nourished and hydrated than we think, and even adults can go a long time with very little to eat or drink. I never panic about oral intake as long as everyone is still making urine. A lot of rashes are a mystery to even the doctors, and tend to be self-limiting or treated easily at home. I try to avoid antibiotics for the little things, because I want them to work when it really counts. Even in my own practice, I’ve seen patients have to switch drugs mid-regimen, because of overuse.
I think that about sums it up. Oh, and if you want my prescription for lice or pink eye, hit me up! My mania has actually paid off toward a pretty effective protocol, if I do say so myself. Best wishes on a healthy household.