Wanna hear about one of the biggest regrets of my life? One time, I had the option of eating at an Indian restaurant or Wendy’s. I chose Wendy’s, and I think about it a lot. That was a big regret. — Isaiah Jane, age 10; loves both Wendy’s and Indian food; isn’t afraid to admit when she’s made the wrong choice.
It’s Friday. I’ve left work early and surprised my kids by picking them up at school. Did I have to call my husband and get tips on how to enter the school parking lot at this hour because I’ve never done it? Yes. Did I feel sheepish about that and then brush it off because it takes a village to raise a kid and I’m simply one part of the whole? Yes.
I greet my children on the crosswalk. They shriek with delight at the ice cream sandwiches that await them in their seats; we are lucky enough to live in Alaska where things stay frozen without much assistance. I deposit three kids safely at home before taking the baby to ballet; mask over your nose sweetheart and do you have the right shoes? I meander around the thrift store until it’s time to pick her up. What a delightful view of town I have, to leave early on a Friday!
We drive home into the sunset, literally; we ooh and aah over the pink haze that drapes across the snowy mountains in the distance. I climb the stairs to my room and take off my work clothes. The house smells so clean. What a treasure, to crawl into bed and wait for Shabbat to begin. Good Sabbath to you.
And then, the phone call, the one my long term care facility has gone the entire (!!) pandemic without. One of your residents has tested positive for COVID-19.
I pack a bag and hug my children. My husband loads the car with my favorite pillow and a shirt or something that smells like him. I do not remember. I float around the house grabbing items I think I may need if I’m unable to come home for awhile. We have come so far. How many more will follow this test result? Did I update our PPE guidelines? Do I have the staff I need? Do I have what it takes? What will happen next? In the end, I settle on the trite but true. This is what I signed up for. I can only hope my team feels the same. And so, I return to work. Good Sabbath to you.
I open the screen door at first, but it’s not enough. I find myself coming back, again and again. Eventually, I stretch out across the open sliding door onto the balcony that extends from our bedroom.
Half in, half out. Sun on my toes; face in the shade. It is still not enough. I take off just enough clothing to get maximum-and-still-decent exposure. Ames knocks politely and then, oh my, when I call him in.
It’s just underwear and besides, nobody can see us up here. I had to get in the sun today.
He nods his head solemnly in understanding as he asks where we will go today...
Somewhere in the sun, I reply.
– written on a Sunday in May; today’s sunny Sunday works, too.
My friend sat on it for a few weeks before she brought it to me. “I’m not big on prophetic stuff unless I know for sure it has a meaning. This could be nothing at all. But I had a dream about you and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.”
She went on to tell me a beautifully vivid storyline that came to her while she slept. My four babies and I were on a sailboat, dressed to the nines and pulling up to her dock (neither of us have boats or docks, but wouldn’t it be nice?!). The wind blew through my hair and I leaned in toward her, a huge smile on my face. As we docked, I couldn’t contain myself. I looked straight at her, put my hand on her shoulder, and said
I have been on the adventure of my life, and I cannot wait to tell you about it.
I got to call my friend a prophetess. I got to tell her that her dream was from God and that it was her mission to tell me about it. I got to repent.
I know this dream was from God, for one reason alone, and it was this: that storyline was not real life for me. My friend had no idea. Most people wouldn’t. I may have been on the adventure of my life until now, but I could not see nor express it when it related to my children. In fact, I’ve spent the sum total of my birth babies’ existence just trying to keep them alive. Early on, I went numb in favor of spending my emotional energy on their dad and brothers. After I established solid relationships with my husband and stepsons, the numbness toward my biological children just felt easier.
I am not naturally laid-back. I am not naturally snuggly. I am not naturally messy. Small children require flexibility with all of those things. I was either too tired or too scared to to deal with the numbness, and so it turned to a sense of cold.
Until this summer. My friend shared the dream a few months ago and I knew it was time. I have more responsibility and less free time than ever, and still I know that now is the time to thaw. To be present. To stare at those four kids and pull them close. To let them see me, know me, forgive me, serve me, and love me. I’m asking God to help me learn the art of laid-back, snuggly, and messy.
I have been on the adventure of my life, and I cannot wait to tell you about it.
There are approximately seven minutes between when my head hits the pillow and when I fall asleep. Do not be jealous. I have worked hard at this over a number of years. I am now the proud owner of a brain and body that can power down anywhere, anytime, on short notice. For me, sleep hygiene is unrelated to stress. I’ve simply trained myself to sleep. I think it might have started back in Alaska, during that summer when the sun never set. I was a confused nineteen year-old kid with just a bunk and a sleeping bag. We made it work.
Before I give in to sleep though, my heart and mind and soul partner together to review what I now call “the run-down list.” Almost all of the items on the list are completely unnecessary and even worse, pointless to mull over in a dark bed. But hey, baby steps. At least I’m not losing sleep over here. I touch on each topic as it comes, speak truth or encouragement or humor to it, and move on to the next. Here is the list lately.
my kids’ souls
my kids’ self-esteem
my kids’ destinies
did I lotion up my feet
did I use my new essential oil blend on my nails
why do we never seem to have enough money
why do I keep looking at money the wrong way
would Chris be willing to check me for lice again
does anyone in the house have pinworms
was that a throw-up cough I just heard
is using a sound machine app on my phone poor parenting
it feels so good to prepare for the next day the night before
it feels so good to be dairy-free and have clear skin again
will I ever get a massage again
will I ever get a facial again
will I ever get to the gym again
is my pillowcase the right kind for my face and hair
is my sleeping position the right kind for my muscles and bones
can’t wait to pick up where I left off on my Audible book tomorrow
can’t wait to sell and buy some more stuff on eBay
what a time to be alive in the Church
what a time to be alive in America
what a time to be alive as a woman
when will I eat tacos or sushi next
will Chris sleep okay tonight
do I need to pee one more time
are my slippers next to the bed
why is the Bible app’s verse of the day is always so timely
look at God
love you God
goodnight world
I started this post during my "this is how we do it" series in 2017, and am only just now finishing it! Carry on.
Obviously, ground rules first. I’m a registered nurse and I only just started vaccinating my kids. So there’s that.
I get a lot of questions about health and wellness because of my profession, and because of my family size. When one of of us comes down with something, we typically all follow suit at some point. It gives me that much more motivation to try and keep us all as healthy as possible. I know as soon as I publish this post, my family will contact some bizarre exotic virus. However, I’m writing it anyway, for two reasons. First, we were recently kicked out of our primary care office for being too healthy. Like, we did not use a single sick visit all year and were therefore going to be charged as new patients… even for the kids’ yearly physicals. Second, last winter was the first one without a single stomach bug in the house. After twelve straight months of no vomiting, I decided to start writing this post, most assuredly to seal my plague fate for this winter (it happened).
PREVENTION.
Like any good healthcare provider, I’m going to tell you to stay healthy so you don’t have to get healthy. In our family, that looks like one might expect. We exercise, we eat healthy at home, we drink a lot of water, and we try to sleep well at night. I carry disinfectant wipes, hand sanitizer, and Lysol in my purse at all times. But my kids also bathe only once per week and eat off of the actual ground, too.
I take supplements every night; I do believe they help with immune support. My regimen currently consists of a probiotic and turmeric every night, with garlic and cranberry on occasion. I’ve noticed improvement in my gut, my skin, and my mood. My husband puts me on a short course of zinc whenever I feel I’m getting a cold, and the kids take a multivitamin when I remember to hand them out. In the winter, I keep an essential oil blend in a roller ball bottle with me at all times. It goes on the kids and myself most nights (feet and belly buttons and sometimes spines). We also take colloidal silver and elderberry syrup during episodes of the creeping crud.
A giant jug of hand sanitizer sit on the bathroom floor by the door, so even the little kids remember to clean their hands on the way out. I clean the bathrooms with bleach, and the doorknobs and light switches with Lysol, on the same day every week so I don’t forget.
TREATMENT.
When we’re sick, we start by trying to wait it out. My kids have never been to the doctor for symptoms of a common cold, stomach bug, etc. We figure that since typical viruses aren’t treatable anyway, what’s the point in spending all of that money to hear someone tell you to go home and wait it out? I also don’t treat fevers most of the time. Because a fever is the body’s natural response to a foreign invader, I’d rather get the whole battle over with as quickly as possible. The exceptions? I’ll medicate a fever to help my children rest for a short period of time, and I’d also medicate if a fever was getting really high really fast. I just caught myself doing that parent fib thing. The truth is a) it’s been years since I used a thermometer and b) new literature actually links febrile seizures to genetics and not a sudden temperature spike. Long story short, all of our family fevers have resolved with sleep and a good sweat session.
WHERE BEING CRUNCHY HELPS.
We swallow garlic cloves whole and tape them into ears. We take shots of apple cider vinegar. My husband makes a drink that will knock a chest cold right outta here. Coconut oil is our lotion of choice. Essential oils really do work for us, when it comes to certain ailments. I’ve used them every which way possible, from drops in the bathtub to capsules to undiluted to a blend with a carrier. Generally, I believe that nature has a place in healthcare culture, even in the world of advanced medicine and technology. My wound care weapons of choice? Apinol for cuts/scrapes, and honey for open wounds that take time to heal.
WHERE BEING A NURSE HELPS.
I have to regularly remind myself that bacteria and viruses are very different processes, with different symptoms and different treatment protocols. Diarrhea is typically defined as several loose stools in twenty-four hours, not just one or two. Kids are typically much better nourished and hydrated than we think, and even adults can go a long time with very little to eat or drink. I never panic about oral intake as long as everyone is still making urine. A lot of rashes are a mystery to even the doctors, and tend to be self-limiting or treated easily at home. I try to avoid antibiotics for the little things, because I want them to work when it really counts. Even in my own practice, I’ve seen patients have to switch drugs mid-regimen, because of overuse.
I think that about sums it up. Oh, and if you want my prescription for lice or pink eye, hit me up! My mania has actually paid off toward a pretty effective protocol, if I do say so myself. Best wishes on a healthy household.
First – ground rules.
Second – #summertothrive workbook (emailed to you when you sign up). Also, #powersheets.
You cannot, will not, get good rhythms going if you can’t clear your head and produce organized thoughts and goals. You don’t have to BE an organized person; just fake it with a brain dump. Sort it all out for thirty minutes, and share with your roommate or husband or mom or kids. I promise, it’ll make a difference.
What is a rhythm? It’s like a routine, for the heart and the soul. It’s that feeling when you wake up and breathe easier because you have a general idea of how the day is going to go, and how you’re going to treat people, and what’s expected of you, and what you expect from others. It’s that sense of being connected to the Father, because you’ve already cast your cares upon him and his burden is light.
What do our summers look like? I continue to work full time out of the home. Chris continues to work full time in the home. The big kids kind of do their own teenage thing and the little kids are in as many vacation Bible schools as possible. Chris and I wake up at the same time every morning and do the Bible thing together. We still go to the gym, because the free hour of childcare gets a facelift in the summer. They turn it into a mini camp with extra activities and staff. At home, the kids play outside a lot. We try to hold off on screen time until the afternoons (they do use their tablets early in the morning if they wake up before our alarm). We still eat dinner at the same time, and the bedtime routine stays the same. All of the kids sleep wherever they want in the summer, typically in a pile on the floor of their room or in each other’s beds. Everyone’s chores and household expectations stay the same. Nobody is assigned anything specific or additional, but we expect everyone who lives here to help out at the bare minimum. My motto for a healthy work environment (or school, or government or household) has always been that if everyone would just do the bare minimum, systems would work.
We don’t take long vacations; just a few day trips and short vacations spread throughout the summer. Everyone agrees it’s more fun that way, and it’s easier to pay for and take time off of work. Some of our greatest memories have been crammed into a car for a quick getaway and a yummy meal somewhere.
Last year, I focused on three words to infuse throughout the summer – contentment, peace, and joy. I wanted these words to be dripping out of my heart and family and work and play all summer long.
This year, I wrote down more specific goals for the summer – a vibrant and powerful family prayer life, a sense of fun and adventure incorporated into everything we do, and to get prepared for grad school (physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually).
I also selected a verse to memorize and spout off to my family and write into the nooks and crannies of my life. “From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised.” Psalm 113:3
One new rhythm we’re adding in this year is the family time we named “Summer Sabbath.” Every Saturday morning that we’re able, we’ll make time to have fun and reconnect. Sometimes two or three days go by where we don’t see each other during the week, because some of us are coming and going while others are sleeping. Instead of trying to force a family dinner every night, we’ve decided to focus on Saturday mornings. The rules are as follows: it’s just the family, no phones allowed, the activity is only one hour long, and breakfast always follows. This can look like anything from tennis to a family walk around the park to a historic site tour. I’m really excited for this one.
The prep work only takes a little effort and time, but it’s so worth it. If I know I want to get to the end of the summer with a stronger prayer life and adventures with family under my belt, then I know how to make daily decisions that will help get us there. If I know the next three years are going to be challenging with grad school, then I know how to spend the next few months getting ready with help from others. Everything in life just feels easier and more purposeful if I have vision for it. And isn’t that what life is supposed to look like anyway? As a follower of Jesus, I believe everything SHOULD have purpose and vision. Every move I make should be one that shares the Light and Life I carry. Everything means something. Otherwise, what else am I here for?