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the whole & simple gospel

community motherhood the whole & simple gospel

I’m in the thick of it.

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I set some exciting but intense goals this year, so I expected to hit a few bumps in the road. I did not expect to be knocked flat on my back for what seemed to be most of January. As I described to my team, I feel like I’m drowning in mud. One step forward, two steps back. Exhaustion, emotional and physical. All of the feelings. I know it’s the weather and the time of year, but it’s so much more than that.

I’m in the thick of it. When Jessi first started narrowing her vision and the woman to whom she writes, I smiled at her phrase and wanted to pat her on the back. I wanted so badly to not be there anymore, to speak wisdom and laughter and love and life to the women who were. But it’s just not true. I’m in the thick of it, too. I’m right there with the women to whom I write. Most of us are all right there together. This is the beauty of the gospel lived out, of vulnerability found on the Internet and beyond.

So this month, I’m going to embrace this idea. I’m going to practice a bit more self-care. I’m going to read tweets like this and smile. Right now, my world is the smell of Chick-Fil-A. My ministry is the mess around my feet. And as Jessi pointed out so beautifully, this is not a problem. This is a gift.

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community household management the whole & simple gospel

printables for your pinning pleasure.

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Thanks to every single of one of you who attended my class in January. It was life-giving for me to share my heart with you. I hope it was life-giving for you to hear me cheer for you out loud. You guys are so special, each and every one of you. From the emails to the comments, I’m encouraged to hear bits of your stories and to reflect a bit of His love back at you in the tiniest way.

Feel free to pin or print these little downloads as a thank-you. I’m no designer, but I do love a good catchphrase. These seem to have been two of the most popular from the class, so have at it!

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life lately the whole & simple gospel

Leaving some on the ground.

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I’ve always been hesitant to reflect and dream as a year turns over. I’ve never stretched myself to think big picture into the future, because it is not naturally easy for me. I’ve never forgiven myself for little details missed in the past, because it is naturally easy for me. Two years ago, I did a little series on the blog about finding resolutions along the way. Last year, I made decisions based on one word, a word about which I never wrote or spoke. I wanted to operate out of a place of leverage, a place where I paused to weigh the pros and cons of every aspect of my life. Is this life-giving for all involved? Did He call me to it? Will saying yes or no help or hurt my family? It helped keep me focused and on-task most of the time; but more importantly, I think it prepared me for this year.

This is the year I dream big. This is the year where I let the Lord stir things in my heart out loud, where I write things down and say them out loud. Lara Casey’s Powersheets forced me to go big or go home, and Whitney English’s planner helped me take those big ideas and bite into them day by day. I don’t know how you visionaries do it. Living like this is a bit exhausting, but in the most exhilarating of ways. I’m only two weeks into the year and I feel fulfilled, organized, and peaceful. It’s okay if I don’t get it all done this year. I’m just learning to dream and walk in obedience.

So I sat down to these tools a few weeks back, and I went for it. I filled in mad-libs and circles and boxes. I made lists and crossed things off like a madwoman. I’m a rule-follower, and these resources are structured in the most perfect of ways. Not too hard, not too soft. Anyway, I was soaking it all up like a sponge when it hit me. I didn’t have a word. I didn’t have a phrase. Heck, I didn’t even have a 140-character spiel or an elevator pitch. I knew it wasn’t necessarily mandatory, but I really wanted to ball all of this stuff into my hands and take it to-go. I wanted a way to carry it with me forever and always, beyond the notebooks.

I let it simmer and continued about my business, until I heard this series and learned about the law of gleaning. When the Israelites were freed of slavery in Egypt and established as their own nation, the idea of margin was build into their infrastructure. They were instructed to leave behind the crops they didn’t get to during harvest time. When the sun went down, they went home. They didn’t harvest all the way to the edge of their fields. If a few grapes were dropped during picking process, nobody stopped to retrieve them. In an economy where people literally only ate if they worked, folks took an entire day off each week. They knew a thing or two about limits. They also knew a thing or two about faith.

So that’s my word for 2014. Grapes. Because I’m going to leave a few on the ground this year, and I’m going to let Him fill in where I fall short.

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community life lately the whole & simple gospel

When your New Year’s resolutions find you.

Last week, I had a really ugly, beautiful conversation with a friend. She may have no idea how ugly it was for me, since it was just comprised of sweet texts throughout the day. But she spoke the truth in love over and over, hitting tender spot after tender spot. She challenged me to extend more grace to myself and others this year, as I explore my other goals and resolutions. After our talk, I realized just how much I don’t do those things on a daily basis. But instead of feeling beat down and discouraged, I felt so much hope. I can do this. Nope, scratch that. Christ in me can do this. Let’s give some grace, y’all.

Fast forward to this past Tuesday, when I received a little certificate and prize at work for “perfect attendance” for 2013. It’s one of those silly-but-also-important ways my floor recognizes its teammates for their hard work and commitment. I left that night feeling a sort of smug satisfaction. Definitely pride. Not in the sense that I wanted to be paraded in front of my coworkers (I actually dread that sort of thing), but this internal Darn right, I had perfect attendance. Because I don’t miss work. I am dependable. I am loyal. I have a lot of kids and I have a lot on my plate, but you can count on me.

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And then the very next day, Chris got sick. Like, stomach bug sick. And I knew he wouldn’t be able to care for himself well, let alone the kids, the next day. So I had to call out of work, ruining my perfect attendance for 2014. Just like that, it was over before the year even started. For the first few hours, I was angry. I was bitter. I worried about what my coworkers would think. I worried that the rest of us would get sick. I actually thought, why couldn’t this have happened during my days off this week?

Ridiculous, I know. But I seem to have made a habit out of acknowledging that I can’t control everything, and then trying to control it all anyway. Looking back on last year, there were times when I probably should have called out of work and didn’t. And if I look beyond the hospital, there were times when I probably should have said no to something, or yes to help, and didn’t. Because I seem to have figured out this twisty way to preach grace… and still muscle a works message into my lifestyle.

As the hours progressed that evening, we started dropping like flies. Kid after kid fell victim to the bug (a super fast one, might I add). I managed to fight it off until after they went to bed, but eventually it hit me, too. At my lowest, curled up on the couch with the realization that I couldn’t have gone to work anyway in that state, I felt a convicting peace. It was okay to call out of work before the sickness hit me. This is what grace feels like in action, I thought.

I can’t control everything. Not even the little things. I can’t keep my family from getting sick, even with that pharmacy full of vitamins in my cabinet. I can’t always have perfect attendance at work and elsewhere, even with my no-quitter attitude. I can’t answer all of the emails at once and I can’t join all of the groups, even with my desire for community. Here’s the thing though – I don’t have to do any of that. When I stop forcing, when I stay soft and pliable, that’s when His gospel power gets the work done.

Even though this hard work message is one the Lord has given me, it’s a dangerous line to walk with a personality like mine. There’s a constant fight to keep the balance between grit and gospel. I’m up for the challenge, though, and I’m grateful for the times He brings the New Year’s resolutions to my doorstep… even in the form of a stomach bug.

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community the whole & simple gospel

the breath that catches.

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I used to fear the fights, and now I embrace the family time. I used to dislike sweets, and now I shove sugar cookies in my face. I used to snub my nose at cheesy traditions, and now I create my own. I used to cringe at the scents, and now I fill my house with cinnamon pine cones. I used to avoid red and green, and now I love plaid. With gold. I used to refuse the tunes until after Thanksgiving, and now… I still refuse the tunes until after Thanksgiving. But then it’s fair game, 24/7. Over the years, the Scrooge in me has softened up. I recently wrote this in an Instagram post, but it feels right here, too…

It’s easy to get caught up in the prep work, but I’m trying to slow it down. This is like a wedding. I don’t want to be about the day, the presents, the food, and the emotional let-down. I want to to be about the anticipation, the excitement, and the joy. All season long.

I’ve spoken often of learning to live in the moment, but there is so much importance to be found in anticipation. The expectation of Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us… that is what Christmas is about. The anticipation that Mary felt, after that visit from an angel. The anticipation that Joseph felt, as his wife labored and he searched for a place late that night. The anticipation that the shepherds and wisemen felt, as they relentlessly searched for that baby. The gospels are absolutely dripping with anticipation.

Maybe I speak for myself alone, but I feel like grown-ups aren’t really great at this. We’ve made an art of a cool composure, and it’s a shame. The breath that catches, the butterflies that flutter, the goosebumps that crawl. We still have a few days before the 25th. Anticipation, y’all. Let’s get it back.

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motherhood the whole & simple gospel

showin’ my behind to the neighborhood…

Spring has finally sprung in the sweet Carolinas! In reality, we will enjoy approximately one week of true springtime weather… shortly after, the dreaded humid heat of summer will be upon us. In the meantime, this frugal family is waiting as long as possible to turn on the air conditioning. We’ve got all of the windows open and a box fan rigged in the sisters’ nursery window. The breeze is nice, especially in the cool of night.
Well, this silly momma forgot about the open windows last night when she decided to have a meltdown. Oops.

 

Yesterday, we spent all afternoon outside. We threw a baseball, played in the kiddie pool, chased our pups around, and ate pistachios. Sun & dirt abounded. It was glorious. Then a family friend brought over Salsarita’s for dinner – perfectly delicious! And messy. I could feel the exhaustion & crankiness brewing, but I tried to tamp it down as Chris whispered across the table, “Momma- you think you got a game in you? Could we bowl with the boys on the Playstation3?”
I nodded my head and headed upstairs to bathe Ames. The boys & Chris were going to handle clean-up, and then we’d all meet in the den after I’d put the toddler down. Except he wasn’t having it. The kid kept signing “music” over & over and screaming at the top of his lungs. I couldn’t help but laugh. Ames knows our routine. We almost always have music on during the evening hours. So we let him stay downstairs and dance, while the rest of us put away dishes and wiped down tabletops to the sounds of Jesus Culture.
The boys must have had a little too much fun in the sun that afternoon because they had a hard time following directions. They’d start a job and then get distracted, stopping to gaze at the sisters or chase Ames around. Chris reminded them to stay on-task, that there would be something fun afterwards if they could just follow directions and get through it. I could feel our patience wearing thin, and I noticed we were both getting snippy with them.
When we finished cleaning the kitchen & putting the leftovers away, I scooped Ames up and took him upstairs. He needed a bath, so I set him down on the bathroom rug and popped into his room to grab pajamas. I was only two steps away when I heard the thud. I found Ames belly-up on the bathroom floor. He had stepped off of the rug and slipped in standing water on the floor… the older boys hadn’t cleaned up after their showers. Ames had hit his head, and I had hit my boiling point. I bellowed from the top of the stairs, “BOYS! GET UP HERE AND CLEAN UP THIS BATHROOM NOWWWW!” I used that scary deep voice women should never have. Ames & I were both crying at this point. I took him into his room and held him, while the boys ran upstairs and mopped up the floor.
Chris found me in Ames’ room. He tried to calm me down while reminding me that our windows were open & our neighbors were outside. Apparently, he was out emptying the kiddie pool when I exploded, so I’m guessing the whole street heard me roar. At that point, I didn’t care. I couldn’t seem to lower my voice as I went on about cleaning up after oneself and how much water was on that floor and blah blah blah. On top of that, Ames kept signing for Daddy and trying to get off of my lap. I guess I scared him or something. Way to go, Momma.
Chris bathed Ames & put him to bed while I cooled off. I sat outside on the front porch with one of the sisters and took some deep breaths. I noticed one of my neighbors playing outside with her daughter. I didn’t hesitate to claim my dirty laundry episode. She came back with, “My three year-old found a razor in the shower and cut her thumb today!” So there’s always that.

 

As I sat, the music from our stereo filtered through the open windows. Worship. Worship music & conviction washed over me as I snuggled one of the only kids I hadn’t hurt that evening. After a few more deep breaths, I went inside and apologized to everyone. I told Chris I was sorry for yelling and losing my cool. I asked for the boys’ forgiveness as we prayed with them & tucked them in. We had a great talk. Then I sneaked into Ames’ room and watched him sleep for a moment. He just sucked his fingers peacefully, which I took as him forgiving me for letting him slip & hit his head. Oh, but in the middle of the night, he screamed a panicked cry – the kind that sends chills down mothers’ spines. I bolted in there to find his arm twisted & stuck in the slats of his crib (he’s fine now). So there’s always that.
There is so much grace in God’s family. And as a result, there is so much grace in my family. And for that, I am so grateful.
 
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