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health & wellness the whole & simple gospel

Look good. Fit in. Stand out.

I just found this in my drafts, from two years ago. I don’t even want to edit it first. Published and still preaching it to myself.

In elementary school, I got glasses and braces during the same week. I have a distinct memory of trying to wear a training bra to school and sneaking it off near my cubby because it was so uncomfortable. In middle school, I received comments about my appearance and size that I will never forget. I didn’t even start my period until after I learned to drive. In high school, the boys I liked were either interested in my friends or in what I was doing after dark so they could keep me a secret.

It goes far beyond physical appearance, but this feels like an easy place to start unpacking. These seemingly small moments were actually foundational in my development as a woman and a follower of Jesus. Over the years, I’ve struggled to see God as a kind Dad with unconditional love for me, a God who desires nothing from me but a relationship. I’ve struggled to understand and know intimacy within my marriage the way God designed it.

The thing is, I was popular. I was on the cheerleading squad. I didn’t struggle with weight and I could let my hair air dry without problems. I easily found plans on the weekends. I always had a date to the dance (minus senior prom… but hey, getting dumped just beforehand only helped me grow into the powerful, capable introvert I am today, right?). I even experienced a couple of legitimate dating relationships with decent dudes. But all of the weird, negative memories still live inside of me, etched in as a piece of my upbringing. Although I was never bullied or made to feel like an outcast, I knew from an early age what it took to be successful with people – specifically, men.

Look good. Fit in. Stand out.

I’ve been a Christian for practically my entire life, and I’ve always known God as loving and forgiving. Somewhere along the way, though, I slowly made him into a school principal or a coach or a guy I desperately wanted to notice me. Once I was in God’s family and on his team, I told myself, he needed me to perform.

Look good. Fit in. Stand out.

This is why I push multi-generational community so hard. This is why I don’t shut up about the importance of reading my Bible. This is why I’ve been in and out of counseling for most of my adult life. This is also why I’m still uncomfortable changing clothes in front of my husband. This is also why I don’t love speaking on stage. This is also why I hesitate to try anything new that might result in my failing or looking stupid.

I was not careful with who I allowed to influence me. I did not pay attention to what I read and watched, or to whom I listened. God’s voice was there all along, telling me who he was. Who I was. Whose I was. What I meant to him. He tried to tell me that his yoke was easy and his burden was light. But in my American culture, in my wealthy school full of privilege, in my good-looking and high-achieving family, in my swirl of adolescent hormones, I made a dangerous choice early on.

I will earn my way to God. I will maintain right-standing with him, without help. I will not need grace. I will look good. I will fit in. I will stand out. Even if it kills me.

Until it nearly did. It nearly killed me. And I got help. I’m in spiritual recovery, now and forever, learning each day to let a good Father show me grace in new ways. It will be a lifelong journey, for sure, but I’m grateful to know truth and grow from it.

I know now that when God looks at me, he sees his son. So by default, by the work of the cross, I look good. I fit in. I stand out. In Jesus’ name.

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community life in alaska life lately the whole & simple gospel

Let’s open up this space a bit.

Three and a half years ago, I shut down the comments on this blog. My offline life felt quite full, and I wanted something I could control. Now, I don’t receive any income from being online, and my following isn’t the largest on the internet. It was the engagement that kept me around. I wanted to see what was happening. I wanted to follow the traffic. I wanted to reply to the comments. I wanted you to like me AND understand me AND agree with me AND accept me unconditionally AND never, ever unfollow me. In order to support all of these unhealthy habits, I had to be online a lot. Along the way, praise God, I course-corrected quite a bit. I got off of Facebook completely. I turned off notifications on my phone. I even started deleting social media apps a few times per week. I missed writing, but school was simply more important at the time.

Now that school is over and my kids are older, I’m ready to put “writing” back on my list of hobbies. (You wouldn’t believe how many of those questionnaires I’ve filled out over the last few months. Everyone from the new employer to the new counselor wants to know what I do in my spare time. Study? I only remember studying?) Now that I have the time, I would love to write on a blog again, in expanded form.

Let’s keep the expectations low, for now. While I’ve been on the internet for decades, I’m also quite technology-challenged; even the new Instagram updates overwhelm me. I don’t know how to build a website to save my life; I paid someone to help me with this blog years ago. Regardless, I would like to start writing here more. I would like to put up a picture every now and again. I would like this blog to be a friendly place for readers to gather for a minute or two, and maybe exchange some ideas. I still want you to like me, but you don’t have agree or even understand me to show up here. I’ve been working on a thick skin and soft heart for long enough. It’s time to put it to practice. Consider the comment section officially open. Let’s open up this space a bit.

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COVID-19 health & wellness life in alaska the whole & simple gospel

Covid-19, three months later

I figured it was time to quit adding to this post and just start a new one! This pandemic is marathon stuff, huh? I recently posted the following on Instagram, which prompted a few requests for resources:

Since moving to Alaska, we’ve all been tested for Covid-19 at least once. We’ve done so eagerly, and with joy, because mass testing and contact tracing is a proven method of slowing spread while moving the country forward. (PSA: you ain’t gotta get the nasopharyngeal swab anymore. There are gentler options now!)

We also wear masks in public, for two reasons. First, it’s another proven method of protection for ourselves and others. Second, it’s a quiet, simple, and public demonstration of our respect for our community. We’re paying attention, and we care.

I read a tweet awhile back, that said Americans think covid is over because we grew bored with it. The Kincaids are not bored. We love God and science and public health and the least of these from Matthews 25. This is kingdom work, and we hope to be doing it for the rest of our days.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CB1N8fmghob/

And now, for some (hopefully) helpful resources! Last update: June 24, 2020

EXPERTS I’M FOLLOWING:

In addition to numbers counts via the WHO, CDC, state websites, and my current employer (a hospital)’s daily reports and guidelines… the only regular resource I follow for new information is Emory University’s incredibly smart and humorous scientist Laurel Bristow (@kinggutterbaby). She does a great job of breaking down press releases and scientific papers in clear and practical ways, and she also highlights the work of other experts within her field.

ON PERSONAL RESEARCH:

I’ve used my computer for nothing but evidence-based research for the last four years, thanks to grad school. So glad to be done! But also, I’m grateful for the foundational tools it gave me. I’ll use those forever, and I’m happy to share them here.

First, consider the source. Personal accounts like YouTube videos, interviews, and expert opinions are fine to reference. However, they are not considered quality research. Check out this page to learn about different levels of evidence. It includes graphics and definitions, and I still refer to this concept regularly when measuring a source I’ve found. Spoiler alert: we don’t have high levels of evidence yet for a novel virus like Covid-19. Another spoiler alert: expert opinions are considered the lowest level quality of evidence. YouTube videos and Facebook accounts don’t even make the cut.

Second, try using specific terms when performing a search. I use phrases like evidence-based or evidence for, scholarly article, and peer-reviewed in addition to whatever I’m typing into the search bar.

Third, evaluate the source’s crew. Generally, experts will be accepted by other experts. This is what it means when an article has been peer-reviewed. The article was de-identified and sent to a slew of people to review and critique, before it was published. Additionally, people who consider themselves to be experts in a field should not be lone wolves. Do they have privileges at a hospital? Are they on staff at a teaching institution? Who claims them as their own? This applies to every industry environment from finance to ministry, but we’re talking about medical science right now. It’s easy to get swept up in a smart person’s story, but check out who else has bought in or rejected their expertise before you hitch your cart to it.

And now, for some articles from real experts! Last update: June 29, 2020

ON COVID-19 HERD IMMUNITY:

Mayo Clinic – general background and definitions

Possibly a lower percentage needed to achieve, but we still aren’t sure about current infection leading to immunity

Argument against herd immunity as a solution + helpful graphics

ON MASS TESTING AND CONTACT TRACING:

An opinion (but quite reasonable/hopeful) piece on colleges reopening safely

It’s not just increased testing that is causing a spike in cases

On the importance of mass testing specifically in the context of Covid-19, since such a large number of cases are asymptomatic

Mathematical modelling study (in the United Kingdom) comparing mass testing, tracing, and isolating to measure transmission reduction

How Massachusetts did it and how they’re doing since (graphics included)

European Centre for Disease Prevention and Control explains their recommendations with evidence from China and LOTS of cited sources

Argument for rapid tracing using an app (sends color coded notifications to your phone based on hot spots) due to large number of presymptomatic and asymptomatic cases rendering manual tracing less useful

The difference between test counts and case counts

Updated numbers, if you’re a data dude or a graph gal

ON MASKS:

Evidence for effectiveness of masking

Addressing CO2 concerns

Addressing more C02 concerns + bacterial build-up concerns

Stanford scientists answering good questions

Do masks cause lung infections?

Do masks cause skin infections?

life in alaska the whole & simple gospel

#kincaidstoalaska

How did we get here?! Be sure to scroll to the part about our last home being our “death house.”

I’m sure nobody feels especially prepared for a pandemic, but a cross-country move proved especially challenging. Aside from the fact that neither my husband nor I have never moved more than eleven miles from home, travel details remained unsure, and a mandated quarantine meant we wouldn’t have help unpacking or be welcomed by brand-new built-in friends once we arrived. In addition, local goodbyes were almost non-existent due to stay home orders. This included friends and family we’ve loved our whole lives.

Nevertheless, we left on May 20. My parents accompanied us, which was a fun last-minute change to the travel plans. Our caravan consisted of a Suburban towing a 14-foot trailer, a Subaru, four adults, four kids, and two dogs. We drove 4,583 miles in eight days. We crossed through North Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Minnesota, Wisconsin and North Dakota. Once in Canada, we drove through Saskatchewan, Alberta, British Columbia, and the Yukon. We hit six different time zones. We saw moose and stoned sheep and black bear and caribou and porcupines. We saw prairies and farm land and wind mills and big cities and mountains and rivers and skies so blue they looked painted. It was an unforgettable trip.

But we’re here now! In Homer, Alaska! And there’s a backstory!

Fifteen years ago this week, I arrived to this town lost and confused. I had just met my husband and wasn’t sure where it was going. I had also taken a semester off from college, to figure out my educational future. After applying to a fashion design program too late, I settled on a discipleship training school in Hawaii. It, too, was full but they offered me an opportunity with a new program… in Alaska, of all places.

It was here that I decided to go to nursing school. It was here that I first considered Chris as marriage material, doodling his last name against mine in journals and even naming future kids. It was here, through letters and emails and very expensive long-distance phone calls, that seeds were planted in Chris’ heart for leading worship.
⠀⠀
And now fifteen years later, we’re living here. I’ll be working as an NP at the hospital; Chris has taken a position as worship pastor at a local church. We didn’t expect this, or really even dream it up. But God did. Turns out, his ways are always higher and his plans are always better than ours.

COVID-19 health & wellness the whole & simple gospel

COVID-19 (updated regularly!)

March 4: I took some time on Instagram stories yesterday, to talk through the way I’m handling the coronavirus conversation. I got some great feedback and was asked for resources, so I’m throwing it out here in a more permanent space. It feels important to keep my mind, heart, body, and family healthy (pun intended) as we navigate uncharted territory in the world of infection control. In order to do that, I’m focusing on two things.

First, I’m trusting the science. As far as we know, COVID-19 is transmitted via droplets with an airborne component. Basically, someone sneezes, coughs, spits, etc., and it hops into your body when you’re in close contact. Additionally, it’s possible for the virus to land and live on a surface that you later touch. This means that at this time, the basic advice for flu prevention works for COVID-19 prevention. Wash your hands often. Avoid touching and hugging and kissing in public. Do not touch your face. Stay home when you’re sick. Keep your kids home when they’re sick.*

Second, I’m trusting the experts. I found myself feeling panicky the other day, when a patient asked for a six-month refill of his medicine “in case of a quarantine.”** I had to step out and talk to my mentor physician just to get my head back on straight. I must be very careful about the content I consume, and also what I share with others. Entire industries are suffering because of the headlines. The fed cut interest rates this week, flights are being canceled, medical supply companies are experiencing shortages, and grocery stores are struggling to keep basics in stock. Being prepared is not the same thing as being panicked, and I’m fighting to stay on the side of reason.

March 13: When we practice social distancing and hand hygiene, we protect the medically fragile. When we pay attention to who’s losing income due to shutdowns, we uncover opportunities to be generous. When we stay home on sick days, we honor our elders. When we take only what we need at the store, we fight back against greed and panic. To consider the other is to wage war on fear by saying, “I am not just in this for myself.” To consider the other is to think like Jesus.

March 17: I know we are overwhelmed by the COVID-19 content at this point, but this week matters if we hope to flatten the curve. Without protective measures, the cases of extremely sick people will overwhelm our hospital systems. With protective measures, we can stagger and slow the spread of disease to the most medically fragile. Right now, it appears as though only 20% of infected individuals require hospitalization. As Italy has shown us, we cannot handle that number all at once. Social distancing and self isolation will help us slow the spread to a steady trickle, so as to preserve hospital staff and resources and therefore save lives. Social distancing is as simple as staying home as much as possible and keeping at least six feet of distance between contacts. Feel free to get outdoors, and support your locally-owned businesses with curbside service!

March 28: hands-down the best account and hope-filled guidance on the virus I’ve seen. It needed its own post. ICU doc in NYC on a Zoom call with family and friends.

March 31: This is going to be a marathon, folks. According to the data, hospital admissions begin somewhere around 7-14 days after community spread starts. Hospitals won’t start to get overwhelmed until weeks after that. Most of our cities didn’t start with travel exposure, so we’re looking at months and months of COVID-19 discussion; lots of us will be sick of talking about it before it even hits our community full force. What we do know right now, though, is that it’s real and it’s intense. As of this writing, one person is dying from COVID-19 every 4 minutes in New York City. Nearly every healthcare provider I’ve heard or seen has reported a gross shortage of necessary equipment, space, and resources. God, help us. It’s important to remember that the hype and intensity of our precautions does not serve to inform us as much as it helps to protect our community at large.

On the topic of self-care, boundaries, and mental health: I’m only reading news headlines once per day, and only on websites that offer live updates from around the world. I’m avoiding TV and anything that doesn’t come from healthcare experts, economic experts, or research experts. I prefer to read the numbers and firsthand accounts from Twitter and other real-time platforms, and I try to filter out opinion pieces and conspiracy theories. I also try to find encouragement, hope, lightheartedness, and even humor each time I open my social media accounts. I prefer Twitter, then Instagram. I avoid Facebook like the virus itself.

May 8: I took some time on Instagram stories, to talk through a few things I’m seeing online, in comparison with what I’m living. I’ve seen a lot of outrage about death certificates, as if physicians are padding numbers by blaming Covid-19 where other causes of deaths might be more appropriate. This very well may be happening somewhere, but I have seen the opposite in my personal practice. I’ve had patients with Covid-19, clearly symptomatic and in my opinion, dying from the disease. However, our physicians have blamed another diagnosis, such as stroke or heart failure, as the cause of death. They do list Covid-19 in the section of contributing factors, just like they would pneumonia or a fracture or anything else that a patient might actively have at time of death. But I see my doctors being very careful about blaming covid as the clear cause of death, even when it appeared clear to me during my assessment.

I’ve also seen some stuff floating around online about coding, which is how providers note the diagnosis in order to bill. This could be in a primary care practice, or an urgent care, or during a hospitalization. I have not seen this. I have seen a code on patient charts with positive diagnosis, and I have seen notes that say things like “presumptive” or “suspected” if a patient’s test result has not yet come back. I think this is just safe and responsible medicine, especially when multiple people are caring for this patient or he/she might be transferred soon. Providers get paid for service time and tests, sure, but not necessarily by the severity of a patient’s diagnosis.

Lastly, I’ve seen a Covid-19 lungs compared to COPD lungs. This is a way for people to say that the medical community is blowing this disease out of proportion and we should all calm down a bit. I haven’t taken care of as many patients with covid as with COPD, but I have listened to enough covid lungs to say with confidence that they are completely different. Covid-19 pneumonia is often bilateral, which is an unusual presentation, and it comes on suddenly and aggressively. COPD is a chronic, often years-long disease where flare-ups are insidious and slower.

As is the case with any topic, I’m fine with dissenting opinions and difficult dialogue. But it feels important to stress the fact that there are experts in the field, as well as people who are in it everyday (not me). It feels important to stress that we should be listening to them.

Yes, the majority of the population will avoid this disease and the majority of folks who contract Covid-19 recover really quickly. That is great news! But as a follower of Jesus, I must look at the big picture. My life is not my own. I belong to Him, but I also am at the service of my neighbor. And while a disease might not pose much of a threat to me, when it is disproportionately affecting (and killing!) people of color and other vulnerable populations like nursing home residents, I must pay attention. It’s my job to pay attention.

It might go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. We should not take things at face value, when it comes to the news. It’s important to dig and research and ask questions. Someone ALWAYS benefits and someone ALWAYS pays the price, with every headline and law and governmental decision. Hopefully, digging deeper will make us all more compassionate and discerning, like Jesus. But you will never hear or see me say that we should blindly accept any one guideline or recommendation, be it from a news organization or a governmental agency or even a religious group.

Additionally, I want to speak to the conspiracy theories for a quick moment. I’ve been here. I’ve watched and read and boycotted over many an issue in the past fifteen years or so. I’m comfortable in the limbo-like space, where we aren’t sure who to trust and what to believe. The reason I’m comfortable with these conversations is because I can give an answer for the hope in which I have. My foundation is Jesus. The hill I’ll die on is the gospel’s. Everything else is up for grabs and I’m okay with that. But here’s where I’ll ask the million-dollar question. Does it matter? So what if ____ is true? Does it change our approach to mitigating the spread disease, protecting the vulnerable, and keeping the economy afloat? If not, then why argue and waste time on topics that divide? There is much power in aligning ourselves with a common mission and being willing to disagree along the way.

And now, for some resources I find helpful. Last update: June 15, 2020

national and international experts

The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention – situation summary

World Health Organization – Coronavirus

Information is Beautiful – data pack of graphs

COVID Act Now – select your state to see statistics and projections

local experts

(find your local health department and a university nearby that has a medical college)

SC Department of Health & Environmental Control – Coronavirus Disease

Medical University of South Carolina – Coronavirus updates

Alaska Department of Health & Social Services – COVID-19

human experts

Interview with infectious disease specialist and economist – On Point

Website of infectious disease doctor who helped with the Ebola outbreak, complete with podcasts and articles – Dr. Celine Gounder

Thoughts from a PhD professor specializing in infectious disease and human social patterns – Dr. Malia Jones

Interview with two Italian doctors, one of whom has the virus – Here & Now

Helpful information on group panic and toilet paper – CNBC

Thoughts from an infectious disease doctor, with a link to graphs – Dr. Andrew Norwalk

Podcast with lead epidemiologist at University of Chicago – Dr. Emily Landon

Updated podcast ten days later with lead epidemiologist at University of Chicago – Dr. Emily Landon

Firsthand account on PPE (personal protective equipment) and CDC guidelines, from an ER doc in Massachusetts – Dr. Josh Lerner

*Stay home in general right now, per the updated CDC guidelines.

**I do think it’s wise to have 1-2 weeks of groceries and supplies. A short quarantine is recommended for anyone who has been diagnosed or exposed to a positive case.

health & wellness life lately the whole & simple gospel

This has been my practice.

As a nurse, I was trained to develop a practice that I could defend decades later. That way I could say, “I don’t remember that situation, but I always checked blood pressures before giving meds. I always reviewed lab work. I always ____. It has been my practice.” I will never not ask your name and date of birth when I first enter your room, and you had better believe I care about your last bowel movement.

As a future provider, I am being trained on evidence-based guidelines. Standards of care are created after years of study and thousands of results; EBGs show us the best way to treat patients. For example, narcotics are no longer indicated for chronic pain. Sinus infection symptoms should persist for 7-10 days before antibiotics are prescribed. A specific set of maneuvers guides us to a vertigo diagnosis when someone complains of dizziness.

I’m not on my own yet, but for the last few years, I feel most safe and secure when I explain a plan of care using evidence. “This is what has worked for tens, or even hundreds, of years for people in your situation. This is the standard of treatment.” What’s interesting, though, is the number of providers under whom I’ve trained who don’t use the guidelines. I understand the need to deviate on occasion, but I frequently meet folks who don’t reference them at all. They tell me the guidelines just don’t work for them. The real world is different.

I might not choose this path in medicine, but I do this in so many other areas of my life. I’ve learned how to eat and exercise to get healthy. I have a basic working knowledge of generous and gracious ways to function in relationship. I’ve tasted and seen that spending time in God’s Word helps conform me to the image of Christ, which has and will always be my only goal here on earth.

So why don’t I choose these beneficial disciplines all of the time? The answers are vast and wide, depending on the day. I might opt for self-indulgence, or I don’t want to feel restricted. Maybe I claim to be avoiding legalism, or I’m just plain tired. Either way you slice it, I’ve chosen to respond like one of those providers. The guidelines just don’t work for me. The real world is different. Is it, though?

Here is what I know. God’s truths have stood the test of time, trial, and tribulation for thousands of years. I can depend on His character and His promises to be true and unchanging. Therefore, I can trust his precepts. They are my evidence-based guidelines for life.

Living my life this way will always give me a defense, a proven thesis on which I conduct myself from now until the day I die. I may not remember the exact decision, or the interaction with a particular person, but I will remember the way I lived. A life built on the precepts of God. I will always have an answer for folks on earth and my Father in heaven.  I chose to steward my body well. I chose to pursue peace in relationship. I chose to spend time in the Word. This has been my practice.

books & things community life lately the whole & simple gospel

when I write for others: Ember

Occasionally, I get to write for magazines, newsletters, blogs, and everything in between. It’s neat to go back and read my words from another time. There’s always room for grace and growth and a smile or head nod. It was an honor to be asked to try something new for a recent women’s gathering in my city. I said yes, thinking I’d read something from Every Moment Holy (highly recommend, by the way). But my husband encouraged me to write my own, and the leadership team blessed me to do so. Below is the liturgy I delivered for our May event. See you in August?

Sometimes, it’s hard to sing of the goodness of God. There’s a lot going out there. And in here. Sometimes, our breath feels better spent elsewhere. Sometimes, it’s hard to sing of the goodness of God.

And still… God remains good. He cannot be anything else.
God is faithful in that He is good. And His goodness comes after us….
For no reason at all, other than the Savior of the world takes great delight in us.

And so, we sing. Not for His sake. The Creator does not need reminding of what He’s created.

No. We sing to remember. We sing to fight. We sing to rally our hearts to the sounds of His promises… That He will never leave us. That He will never forsake us. That whether we turn to the right or to the left, we will hear a voice behind us saying, This is the way. Walk in it.

For the woman out there there searching for a water that will never leave her thirsty again, here is Who I know.

I know a God who named the stars and numbered the hairs on my head. I know a Jesus who who died on a cross and walked out of a grave with my name on his lips. I know a Holy Spirit who allows me to feel the full weight of my sin, so that I may experience the full measure of His grace.

For the woman out there searching for a water that will never leave her thirsty again, here is Who I worship.

I worship a God who loved me enough to rescue me… not just from hell, but from my myself. I worship a Jesus who exchanged death for life on my behalf, so that my yoke is now easy and my burden light. I worship a Holy Spirit who whispers sweet somethings in my ear when things get dark, and I feel alone and afraid.

For the woman out there searching for a water that will never leave her thirsty again, here is Who I serve.

I serve a God who gave me a new name, a forever family, and an incredible inheritance. I serve a Jesus who set me free to treat every person I meet as if they bear the image of His dad. I serve a Holy Spirit who directs my steps so that each breath, the magical and the mundane, becomes worship.

To the woman who thirsts, you’re invited. So come. Come and see the man who told me everything I ever did and loved me anyway. Follow me, as I follow Him tonight.

Together, may we fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. Together, may we make Him our best thought; His presence, our light. Together, may we remember that the work is the Holy Spirit’s. It has always been His. Together, may we rest in the Father’s lap and remind ourselves that to worry is to rebel against our new nature as daughters of the King. And the King’s kids don’t worry.

On behalf of this broken and busted and still beloved world, the Spirit and the Bride say come. Let the woman who hears say come. Let the woman who is thirsty come. Let her take the free gift of the water of life.