February 18, 2022

[Parts of a post that never published, somewhere in the fall of 2020…]

As someone who doesn’t necessarily consider herself to be an artistic visionary (hello, nice to meet you, I’m a nursing-school-grad-following-fashion-design-drop-out), I find it helpful to learn and glean from others’ creativity. I enjoy building on beauty that has already been started. After all, isn’t that what we’re all doing anyway? Ecclesiastes reminds me that there is nothing new under the sun. John Mark Comer tells me that part of being human is to figure out new ways to rework the matter created in Genesis 1. My family enjoys a good laugh whenever I try to draw, but I felt so encouraged after reading Garden City. From carpentry to music to parenting, we simply put our minds and our hands to what is, and we try to make it better. Our own imago Dei stamps are what bring glory to God and goodness to others.

And so I spend a lot of my time online finding inspiration and creative direction for life – ways to make my home cozier, parenting wisdom, what old things are coming back in the world of fashion, healthy-but-gorgeous things to eat and drink. After all, most of life’s mundane maintenance matters greatly to me. I consider my choices, down to the food I put in my body and the clothes I wear, to be both worship and warfare. I would much rather look at things online that are pure and lovely than get lost in a toxic comment thread about politics. Peeking into people’s lives is not the problem. It’s one of the reasons I love the internet. The problem is the how much, the why, and the what next.

I knew it was time for a break when I found myself teaching my daughter to soak cotton balls in lavender oil to keep the moths away from my sweater collection. As I tucked the cotton back into the dark corners of the closet shelves, it hit me. I’m literally acting out Matthew 6, and I’m on the wrong side of it. I’m laying up for myself treasure on earth, and moths will most definitely destroy it.

There are the obvious reasons to take an internet leave of absence (rough year for the entire world, cross-country move, breaks are healthy). There are also obvious reasons for the scrolling and purchasing (new house in new climate, new life in general, again… rough year for the entire world). I’ve taken social media breaks before, and they’ve always been good for me. I usually delete my apps a couple of days per week, and I’ve enjoyed as much as an entire summer off in years past. I feel more awake and grounded afterward, and I look forward to that again. But this time, I’m taking a social media break for a different reason. I want to learn what I like. I want to spend more time with the Creator than content creators. I want to look around and feel inspired right here instead of over there. I know who I am spiritually and emotionally and mentally, but I want to learn who I am physically. What does it look like to take up space in Homer, Alaska in 2020? What do I find beautiful? How can I bring beauty into my home and my family?

I’m not sure when I’ll be back, and I’m not sure I’ll come back feeling entirely different, filled to the brim with fresh vision for my current season or the future. I hope I come back with a better sense of what I’ve now dubbed the essence of Rach.