This is my third post in a series started by Jessi. Women all over are writing about the ways they give up good for better. Feel free to join in and link up! I’ll keep sharing as long as I have ideas… been taking a few of yours for my personal practice, as well!
When it comes to my body, I’m still dealing with a few pregnancy injuries. The reality is they could be with me for the rest of my life. I’m back to the size I used to be, but nothing is the same. And my wardrobe is just plain awkward. Sometimes I stare at my closet and wonder who I am anymore.
We’ve got a beach trip coming up soon, and I recently got myself pumped up to buy a few key items. Last year, I was still in maternity clothes. I’d like to feel more confident on vacation and at my neighborhood pool this summer.
So far, I’ve bought nothing. Those gorgeous floppy hats look silly on my head. The maxi dresses are too long, making it look like I’m playing dress-up. I can’t afford the shoes I want, and will I even wear heels that high anyway? One afternoon, I spent a few hours looking for a bathing suit. It was a disaster. What was I thinking, pinning all of those high-waisted bikini bottoms? I pulled into my driveway on the verge of tears. I’d cut into my grocery shopping time, too – therefore coming home literally empty-handed.
After I cooled down, I felt Him smile a bit. You’re not a fashionista, Rachael. And it’s okay. I used to maintain a much funkier sense of style. Somehow, I got it in my head that I wanted to be a trendsetter. There were crazy hairstyles and American flag jeans and lip piercings and belts worn backwards. I figured I’d get my groove back after I had my son. Then I had more babies. And then life happened and I lost my confidence. And now I only know what’s trendy from Instagram, Twitter, and magazines.
I want to wear what’s comfortable, and I want it to look presentable. That’s it. I get over to the thrift stores on occasion to try and sneak some quirkiness in my closet, but I’m much more conservative than I want to admit.
So I’m admitting it. I’m giving up on fashion. Most likely, there will be no daring outfit posts and unrealistic pinterest boards and designer flash sales online. I refuse to wear pajamas all day and I like to look put-together, but I’m done pretending to care how I get there. There’s bound to be some freedom in settling into a classic look for my closet, and I’m ready to be free.
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I know this feeling all to well. Once JT was born, and it was time for me to go into my profession (teaching), I had no clue what I needed/wanted to look like! I was like 27 years old, fresh out of college, and used to wearing a lot of ripped jeans. I struggled for awhile with the whole body issues, and what not. The truth is I am 30 now, and I could care less about what is hip and cool. I dress for me, now. And I swear to have as much fun with it as I possibly can (within reason, a girls gotta be comfy!) Another thing I have learned…do not be too hard on yourself. We have children for goodness sakes! sometimes its just not possible to rock 3″ heels…so, instead a lovely wedge is my new best friend! I’m rambling now, but I know you will work this out.
I’m working on the not-being-hard-on-myself thing! I notice that I feel self-conscious about my body even more when I’m without my kids. Like I want them close by to “explain,” haha. Good grief!
Right now, with 5 month old babes, I blame them for not going outside (I live at the beach and should be out all the time). Instead, it’s actually because none of my old bathing suits fit (all two pieces…no way after twins) and my old one piece looks so gross, the only place it should be is in the dumpster. So instead, I wear running shorts and running tanks…not my favorite. I keep telling myself I need to get through this summer and then I will venture out and attempt to try things on. I never knew how frustrating it would be to dress after having kids. The great thing is…they’re super cute, so no one (except for the hubs) is looking at me anyway ;).
5 MONTH-OLD TWINS! You just said it yourself.
Grace abounds!
I NEEDED to read this today, friend. Thank you.
I’ve had such awful feelings that I’m not worthy or good enough as a blogger because I’m not thin enough, not fashionable enough, not pin-worthy enough.
But I’m me & I need to be okay with that, even when I’m not wearing make-up & I just learned how to do a top knot last month.
The top knot is all that matters. You’re in.
;)
I hear ya, girl! I’ve given up on fashion, too. It’s not worth the time, money, and effort when all I really do is sit in my pajamas all day. However, I have lucked out and found a couple staple wardrobe pieces that fit my awkward post preggo body and make me feel much more confident when I do have to show face in public. If you’re still trying to find a bathing suit, check out this one: http://m.oldnavy.gap.com/product.html?dn=op117362&sdReferer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.oldnavy.com%2Fproducts%2Fwomens-swimwear.jsp&kwid=1&pid=117362&referrer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.oldnavy.com%2FcommonDomainFrame.do%3FtargetURL%3D%252Fbrowse%252Fproduct.do%253Fpid%253D117362%2526locale%253Den_US%2526kwid%253D1%2526sem%253Dfalse%2526sdReferer%253Dhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.oldnavy.com%25252Fproducts%25252Fwomens-swimwear.jsp%26sem%3Dtrue&sem=false&locale=en_US
I just bought it for $20 IN SOLID BLACK and it’s the most flattering one piece I’ve ever owned. It hides all of my leftover belly chub and my saggy belly button (YAY!!!!!).
I’m headed over now! Thanks!
Us women are so hard on ourselves, myself included. I’ve struggled with my weight since getting married. Then we moved to a new area of town, and I had big plans of joining this super fun dance class and getting my groove and waist back…then I found out I was pregnant one week after we moved…at the highest weight I’ve ever been. So this summer I’m in a maternity bathing suit with grandma looking shorts because no one should be forced to look at the cottage cheese on the back of my thighs. I’m not happy with my body right now, but I am reminded of it’s amazing capabilities with the little life growing inside of me. Then I’m also reminded that what the world needs from me more than a hot body to look at is a woman at rest and at peace with herself. I know I’ll eventually get back to a shape I’m more comfortable with, but in the mean time I’m not longer letting my discomfort keep me from enjoying the life I’m living today…grandma shorts at the pool and all.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned and held onto with a sinful amount of hope & joy, it’s this:
Skinny girls get cellulite, too!