It was a good year.

This is the first year in awhile I’ve felt really good as I look back. I don’t mean to sound over the top or anything, but there’s a chance that 2014 was the best year of my life. When it started, I was at an all-time low… the kind where I couldn’t be alone without checking in with my husband every hour because I was so depressed and anxious. There was nowhere to go but up from there, though. So up we went.

I went to counseling and began to heal. I learned about fear and shame and failure and why it’s dangerous and unhealthy to focus for too long on those things. Around the same time, I discovered Lara Casey’s Powersheets. They shifted my focus and sharpened my life management skills in a way that changed me for the better.

And then the sun started to come out. We found hardwoods beneath our carpets and blackberries in the backyard. There were tropical vacations and afternoons spent working in the dirt. Speaking engagements and trips to the children’s museum. I fell in love with my family all over again. I found my long-lost sense of style and paid it some much-needed attention. I began to walk alongside women in a new way, allowing them to encourage me and cheering them on in return. Then came along a high schooler, a middle schooler, and a preschooler. My husband and I connected more deeply and effectively than ever, on a therapist’s couch and at a women’s conference and during an anniversary getaway. I started a new job, and a new rhythm, a new season as a hospice nurse. I began to use phrases like redemption and life change and hope, words that I’d always seen in others and never imagined would apply to me.

Don’t get me wrong – I struggled this year. But the illness and the arguments and the stress and the problems only drove me to Jesus instead of away from Him. I can look back on 2014 and see His hand on every situation, His sovereignty oozing from every crevice. I can remember the darkness and call Him good. And for someone who has a thing about darkness, that feels like a win.