health & wellness household management marriage

To simplify the bedroom.

I’ve been back in school for three years now. Combine the workload with my day job as a nurse with a season of raising small children with the personality of an introvert, and it’s easy to see how my bedroom became a sanctuary. My husband painted it white for me as soon as we moved in. We went with simple bedding, minimal furniture, no pictures, no clutter. The kids know to always knock first if the door is closed. We don’t even have a lock on that thing. They don’t even touch the doorknob.

I spent hours reading my Bible there, typing out papers, and reading for pleasure before bed. But there were also naps and conference calls that weren’t necessary. There were also black holes of internet scrolling with the blankets pulled up to my chin in the middle of the afternoon.

For some folks, the bedroom might be an helpful spot for a home office or destination getaway. For me, over the last few years, my bedroom became home base. Remember playing tag as a child? If I could just get to home base, I’d be immune and safe. I could close the door and disconnect. It was easy to use my mom voice, “I need a minute – please leave me alone.” But that minute turned into an hour or more, valuable time that could be spent doing more to fill my soul and less to focus on myself and how hard this season is.

So in 2019, the bedroom changes. I still need a space to sneak away for a minute when needed, sure. But I don’t need a black hole in which to numb. My kids understand the complexity of our family’s schedules and respectfully give me time and space whenever I ask, but there’s no good or healthy reason for me to disappear for hours on end to my bed.

Practically speaking, here’s what it looks like for me…

A technology-free bedroom. My phone is out. I bought an alarm clock on Amazon and removed the phone charger from my side of the bed. Sometimes I take calls in there if I need quiet, but I try to park my phone on the hall table every time I walk into my room. It charges in the adjacent room at night, ringer on high for emergencies. Additionally, my computer is out. No more school work in bed. I sit in the dining room with the door closed if I need to concentrate, but I try to do most of my work in the kitchen where my kids can access me if needed.

A task-free bedroom. I no longer take whatever I’m working on into my bedroom. This could be eating, or meal-planning, or reading my Bible. I’m spending a lot more time in the den, even if nobody else is at home. I’m trying to build healthy habits and take up healthy space in my house.

To simplify the bedroom is to engage in spiritual warfare. For me, at least. I know what happens if I lie horizontal too long. I know what happens when all of my lines get blurred and routines run together. Life begins to feel foggy, and I lose sight of the God who called me to this life and sustains me to keep at it.

And so, I fight. I sit upright and read my Bible and find my Heavenly Father in its pages. I plant my rear end on a hard chair to type papers and count the days until graduation. I choose to only participate in sleep and sex (and an occasional argument or two) in my bed, to protect my space and my heart and my family. My bedroom is still a sanctuary, but now the whole house is too. Because my God is big and powerful like that.

five things on a friday

Five things on a Friday.

I didn’t branch out as much with personal care this year, sticking to my goal of not replacing products until I was in need. I also wish I had gotten more facials, but overall, we had a good and glowy year. Without further ado… my top five beauty finds from 2018, in no particular order.

  1. Micellar water, Bioderma. The concept might sound silly or bougie, but micellar water is legit. I apply it with a cotton ball in the morning, instead of washing my face. At night, it’s great for eye-makeup removal. It leaves my face feeling soft and not stripped, which is great before makeup in the morning, and actives (serums, etc.) in the evening.
  2. Sunscreen glow stick, Supergoop. The fact that I used it for two days without realizing there was a plastic cover on it notwithstanding, this is my new favorite product. It makes me dewy all over, which is my only skin goal in life. It can go under or over makeup. I also like the idea of applying protective and natural ingredients that do something, and not just another layer of makeup to get the look I want.
  3. Banana brightening eye cream, Ole Henriksen. After walking out with a free sample from Sephora one too many times (it was wrong; I repent), my husband surprised me with the full-size (the only kind of surprise I like). It moisturizes, plumps, and brightens my under-eye area prior to makeup application.
  4. Almond shower oil, L’Occitane. I fell in love with this a decade ago (funny story: a customer left a bag full of it in Chris’ store and they never could track her down). This year, I decided to implement it into my routine as a necessity. I actually use it as a shaving gel, so it lasts several months.
  5. Deodorant, Lavanila. I gave up antiperspirant/deodorant years ago, and the detox thing is real – going without really has cut down on both sweating and odor for me. I needed more than just tea tree oil to get through this summer’s humidity, though, and discovered this at my bestie’s house. I’m still wearing it several months later, with no complaints! I feel less damp, and the mild pleasant scent lasts all day.

Looking forward to new fun finds in 2019. Cheers!

community politics & leadership the whole & simple gospel

Thoughts from a concerned Christ-follower.

Politics and religion have clashed for centuries, but the last few years in America have given us quite the taste. The internet makes us more aware, more often, of injustices. Tragedy strikes, both new and old uncovered. Hurt people hurt people. Headlines scroll. We take sides. We post. We vote. Some churches talk about it. Others don’t. Christians are left to choose their own way, led by an outspoken pastor, or a silent pastor, or a news station. Sometimes, we just default to the way we were raised. Most of the time, we go where we’re most comfortable, where we feel most right and where we will not be challenged.

I could write a fascinating case study after watching people react to the 2016 election and beyond. I don’t watch the news anymore; it’s too sad. Let’s not talk about that subject; it’s too divisive. I’m moving to Canada. I’m sure there’s an explanation for this, and the media is just hyping it up. I hope he gets impeached. I hope she goes to jail. Standards and preferences and levels of tolerance change, depending on the day and the story and what’s at stake.

I’d like to think I have a unique perspective into this cultural clash. I grew up at a Christian school, in a predominantly white and wealthy community. This is where I first developed rich relationships with people of color, and where I was also given space and time to choose Christianity for myself. My education included a year-long, rigorous apologetics course, culminating in a twenty-seven page thesis. I also maintained a diverse group of friends “on the outside,” who taught me about everything from veganism to LGBTQ issues to the difference between agnostics and atheists. This is where I first learned to answer the very important question, Why do bad things happen to good people?

I am grateful for both of these environments, as the combination prepared me well for the world beyond high school graduation. I’ve felt both grounded and challenged ever since, secure enough in my identity to have open conversations. It feels natural and necessary to ask questions about what I believe, what others believe, what Scripture says, and how it affects everything from my everyday-life to the folks appointed to the Supreme Court’s bench.

Although there was never a single person who told me how to think and what to believe and for whom to vote, there was an overall understanding of how we did things. It continues to this day. It’s all over the internet and in our break rooms and church lobbies and around the table. Christians are under threat. We must protect our way of life.

It’s become difficult to reconcile the trusted voices of my youth with the trusted voice of Jesus, because I don’t see threats and protectionism mentioned in Scripture. If we consider ourselves to be children of God, we are not under threat. We are in Christ. Our way of life is the way of the Cross, not American culture. The Bible is straightforward in its accounts of Jesus and his positions. He remained very consistent throughout his life on earth.

Jesus never denied the existence of problems like systemic injustice, sexism, and racism. Jesus never isolated or insulated himself with his own kind. Jesus never blamed groups of people for their plight. Jesus elevated women. Jesus prioritized the poor. Jesus condemned racism. Jesus addressed injustice. Jesus was divisive and radical. Jesus boldly identified sin, but he brought the solution. Jesus became the cure. Jesus showed up ready to sacrifice himself for the sake of others. Jesus taught us that although the good news may be messy at times, it is never heavy nor condemning.

I’m done tiptoeing around the conversations America needs to have. I’m done worrying about a reputation of divisiveness within the Body of Christ I love so dearly. Jesus is my measuring stick, and he turned a table upside down in a church.

I’m not a lost liberal. I’m a concerned Christ-follower. So help me, God.

five things on a friday

Five things on a Friday.

I’ve been wearing Glossier for years now, and working with them as a brand rep for about a year. (If you shop through my link, you get 10% off your first order and I get a commission. It’s basically an affiliate program. I think they had to let me in after I bought everything they sold. Even the sweatshirt.) Regardless of all of that, it’s simply my favorite beauty brand hands-down. Glossier makes incredibly effective skincare and makeup products, at an affordable price, with the right blend of natural and clinical ingredients, that ship in the cutest packaging. I figured this edition of Five things on a Friday might as well be a Glossier special. I’m highlighting (pun intended) the five products I use the most. Scroll to the bottom to save some money when you buy all five!

my current favorite glossier products, in no particular order:

  1. Milky jelly cleanser. It’s gentle enough for eyelids and tough enough for eye makeup. This is my first cleansing step of the night and I’ve never let myself run out of it. Price: $9/$18
  2. Priming moisturizer. I can’t quit it. I try other stuff and always come back to this. It goes on so smooth and adds a hint of a glow that I cannot deny. It’s got legitimate ingredients in it, too. Price: $22
  3. Balm Dotcom. I have a tube everywhere. Literally, everywhere. I’ve tried most of the flavors. Birthday is my favorite, and it has a little shimmer to it. Cherry is the most versatile; I wear it on my cheeks and eyelids in addition to lips. Price: $12
  4. Boy Brow. The product that brought us all to Glossier. It just cannot be beat. I use the end of the wand to draw a fine line where needed, and the brush to fill and fluff with some color. I don’t even need a pencil anymore. Price: $16
  5. Haloscope. This makes my cheeks glow like nothing else. It’s not too glittery or sparkly like other highlighters I’ve used. The stick has a lip balm/chapstick feel to it and is very easy to apply. I’ve worn Topaz all summer long but will switch to Moonstone soon. Price: $22

According to my calculations, buying all five products individually will cost you $90. However, they are all available via two different bundles, taking the the total down to $70. Don’t forget to shop through my link for an extra 10% off of your first purchase!

Phase 1: $40 for milky jelly cleanser, priming moisturizer, balm dotcom.

Boy Brow + Haloscope Duo: $30 for boy brow, haloscope.

politics & leadership the whole & simple gospel

alignment versus everything else


I recently listened to a quick-yet-powerful snippet about the difference between alignment and agreement on a podcast, and it sent me off on my own journey of research and speculating. The idea of constant and total agreement felt right to me. I tend to want everyone on the same page all of the time, or else my world feels unsettled. When I heard the word alignment, I pictured proper dance technique or a car in need of a tune-up. I couldn’t stop with just those two words, though. I had to dig into allegiance. Having grown up in a sports family, a military family, a church family, allegiance is in my blood. It’s sacred and it’s serious. I’ve even been told before that sometimes I can be too loyal. So I hit the books (aka the internet). Here is what I found.

a·gree·ment / əˈɡrēmənt/noun – harmony or accordance in opinion or feeling; a position or result of agreeing; the absence of incompatibility between two things; consistency.

al·le·giance / əˈlējəns/noun – loyalty or commitment of a subordinate to a superior or of an individual to a group or cause.

a·lign·ment / əˈlīnmənt/noun – arrangement in a straight line, or in correct or appropriate relative positions.

None of these concepts is good or bad. Words are just words when left alone. It’s how we use them that can either hurt or help. Because these words affect the way we interact with others, they tend to carry weight and burrow themselves into our hearts and minds. Because we can’t pursue them all at once, we tend to lean towards one at the expense of the others. Agreement. Allegiance. Alignment. When it comes to relationships, church dynamics, workplaces, and beyond… what is our aim?

Agreement demands unanimous opinion and feelings of total buy-in. Allegiance requires absolute and unending commitment, and refers to a hierarchy where one person is placed above an another. Alignment is the concept with the least oppressive standards. Appropriate relative position is all that’s needed to move a machine forward – a family, team, or organization. Alignment is the goal.

How do I know this works? Jesus. As a leader, he never once demanded agreement or allegiance from his disciples. The gospels are full of examples of folks asking Jesus questions or even attempting to correct him. He always responded by receiving their feedback and giving them a choice in exchange – to trust his leadership and follow or or not. As a follower, he was honest with God about his feelings as he pursued God’s plan to the cross. The night before he died, he even asked if there might be a way out. But he finished by submitting to his father’s leadership, because he trusted the vision. He chose alignment, and the world was made right again.

If you’re in a position of leadership today, whether it be friends at school who look up to you or children in your home or the team you supervise at work… what is your aim? What are you asking of your people? Agreement, allegiance, or alignment? Why? If you’re in a position of submission today who reports to someone, whether it be a team captain or parents or a pastor or boss… what drives your behavior and thoughts? What are you giving or holding back? Agreement, allegiance, or alignment? Why?

And to both groups, I ask… can you even imagine how much more harmonious and powerful life could be, if we aimed for alignment and didn’t worry about the rest? How freeing would it feel to lead from a place where we didn’t need people to agree all of the time or pledge their allegiance to validate our security and identity? How freeing would it feel to follow from a place where we could simply choose to align our behavior in the direction of those who lead us, even if we disagree with steps along the way?

As woman who lives in both groups on a daily basis, I want to aim for alignment. As a follower of Jesus, I’m grateful for a savior who doesn’t ask for anything else from me. I can choose to participate in agreement or allegiance, for sure, and my life hums with energy when those postures come naturally and easily. But appropriate relative position is enough to transform hearts and families and schools and churches and workplaces, and I want to be a part of that more than anything else.

on a practical note… (aka – great, Rach. but what does this LOOK like at school or work or church or in my marriage and friendships?)

  • you can trust God and still be mad
  • you can disagree with a strategy and still go along with the plan
  • you can delegate a chore that you will have to redo later
  • you can bite your tongue
  • you can ask questions
  • you can be bored
  • you can be patient
  • you can encourage others
  • you can hope for change
  • you can stay the course
  • you can dream about the future and still cheer for the present
  • you can think you’d do it better and still follow
  • you can be honest with your feelings
  • you can be loud about submitting
  • you can pray
  • you can pray
  • you can pray

*DISCLAIMER – all of these concepts assume nothing unethical, illegal, dangerous, immoral, etc. etc. etc. is taking place in your current situation

**RESOURCES – podcast, dictionary, article, article, article, the Bible

life lately skincare

current skincare regimen, summer 2018

Dairy is probably the worst thing to ever happen to my skin. Strange, because I never really had a problem with it until the last year. But after some monstrous cystic problems along my chin, I got strict about my diet several months ago and haven’t had a single breakout since. So there’s that. But onto the current routine. In the mornings, I’ve actually stopped washing my face. I use Vitamin C serum by Mad Hippie, followed by Trader Joe’s rose oil (I ran out of Biossance). I finish with SuperGoop sunscreen – either the CC cream or the Unseen. At night, I’m still double cleansing, currently with Glossier Milky Jelly and Skinceuticals LHA. I’ve made a commitment to  run through all of my current toners and serums and essences (oh my!) before buying anything new, but I already miss my UFO oil by Sunday Riley. After washing, I use a piece of medical gauze with soaked in Missha essence. I follow with Differin all over once a week or so, and finish every night with Mad Hippie’s face cream. I’m still on the hunt for a good eye treatment, and I don’t have any sheet masks or else you’d better believe I’d have one on while writing this.

community the whole & simple gospel

to gather is to let the light in.

I didn’t grow up in a house that hosted often, or on the fly. My family threw parties occasionally, but most of our social gatherings took place in neighborhood clubhouses and church banquet halls. It was the 90’s, and the small group model within the church hadn’t taken off yet. Sunday school class made up one’s community, which typically consisted of weekly meetings in a formal setting and a yearly retreat or two.

As I entered adulthood, I watched the local church shed almost of all of its programming in favor of small groups – also known as life groups, family groups, and home groups. My introverted personality took a long time to warm up to them. I don’t want to use the phrase naturally averse, because I believe every human is wired for authentic community, but it’s the best description I can think of for the way I felt about opening my life to a group of people on such an intimate level. It was easy to blame my schedule, or the brand new baby (or babies), and not show up. For years, I resisted digging in and committing to these groups.

During one season of postpartum depression, my husband and I worked together to overhaul my schedule. Basically, we cleared everything off of the calendar and built it back piece by piece. For months, I only went to church, a weekly yoga class at my neighborhood rec center, counseling, and small group. I didn’t get to a vulnerable place with my small group for years, but it was during this season that I learned to show up consistently. And it changed everything.

I learned so much about myself then. Mostly, that I’d been lying to myself. I’d known all along that I couldn’t do life alone, that I needed grace just like everyone else in the world, and that being in community was good for my soul and the world around me. But there’s a difference between head and heart. I hadn’t wanted to do the work. I hadn’t wanted to feel exposed. I’d hated the idea of owing anyone anything. I’d been ashamed to admit any hint of failure even to myself, much less to people around me. I’d been living in the dark, but Jesus brought me into the light.

Over the years, it’s gotten easier. What started out as a disciplined commitment, a chore almost, has now become one of the greatest joys of my life. These days, I try to spend one night per week in community, which I define as the people who love Jesus and me enough to keep showing up for both. I gradually moved from coffee shops and restaurants to gathering in other people’s houses, and eventually… my own. Now, I’ll invite people over for a meal or a movie night with an hour’s notice. I’ll let teenage boys take over for a night or seven. I’ll offer to host the party instead of defaulting to a friend with a nicer house or sharper skills.

Opening my home to people has been a huge milestone of growth for my personality, my marriage, my role as a mother, and my journey as a follower of Jesus. It feels like letting the light in. It feels like victory.

My house was built in 1890. We bought it as a foreclosure. The floors are creaky and you can see through planks in places. The bathroom sink is cracked. Our kids are loud and our dogs are nosy. The walls are crooked, the baseboards warped and stained. There are never enough dishes or seats. It’ll be a decade or more before this house is “ready” to host, but we do it anyway. We can’t afford not to. We will not buy what culture or our flesh tries to sell us. We will not hide or withdraw or isolate. We will not wait for a better time. To gather is to fight. To gather is to change the world. To gather is to let the light in.

I’m in the light now, and I’m not going back.