skincare

this is how we do it: SKINCARE

I figured I’d start with something easy. I’ve been working on my face for a long time now and it’s time to act like an expert, okay? But really, I’m only an expert on my own skin. So read the ground rules, settle in, and get ready to spend at least twenty minutes a day on your face. I promise, you have time.

One of the fancier things I did was give up my manicure budget (about $100 some months, depending on whether I did the gel thing or got my toes done) and put it towards professional facials. Ideally, you’re getting a facial once every four weeks. It helps with skin turnover and resets/jumpstarts your home routine and all that. BUT WHO HAS TIME OR MONEY FOR THAT? My facials run me about $175, plus tip, and then I spend another $50 or so in products while I’m there. Last year, I got three facials. This year, I will probably only be able to afford two.

There is much (MUCH) to be said about what you do at home. A one-time fancy treatment cannot take care of everything. But even aestheticians get facials, y’all. I don’t know all of the things my girl does to my skin, but I do believe it’s magic. She is also incredibly helpful at identifying what type of skincare I need at home, another reason to get thee to a professional STAT.

So, the routine. At home, I wash my face twice a day and do not touch it in between. I try not to reapply makeup and if I have to so much as adjust my glasses, I do it with the back of my knuckle. My mom always told me her daddy always told her, “a lady should never touch her face.” I am a rule follower. I also wear sunscreen every single day of the year, no matter what. I wear a hat every single time I go out in the sun during the summer. I’m a freckle-faced gal, and those freckles began joining together as soon as I turned thirty. I’m also the fruit of two sun-loving, skin cancer-surviving family tree branches, so I’ve got to be careful.

In the morning, I wash with a cream cleanser. I follow with toner, serums, moisturizer, and sunscreen. In the evening, I remove my makeup with coconut oil and rinse off. Then I wash with a decongesting cleanser. I follow with toner, serums, eye cream, eyebrow growth serum, moisturizer, and a sleeping pack – an even heavier moisturizer to lock it all in. A few times per week, I use an electronic spin brush during cleansing. Also a few times per week, I use a clay mask during the evening routine. This step falls between the toner and the serums. Also ALSO a few times per week, I perform a little at-home peel with a combination of glycolic and salicylic acids. This falls between the toner and the serums (after the mask, if I do it on the same night).

Without even knowing it, I have slipped into a Korean skincare routine. Google it! The Korean folks basically believe that every skin problem ever experienced is due to dehydration. Their experts don’t understand why we Americans implement such harsh practices like bar soap and spin brushes. They practice skincare in small, tedious, isolated steps in order to soak in each ingredient and provide maximum hydration. I have absolutely no problem addressing issues with my skin one by one. It does not feel tedious to me. It actually feels incredibly life-giving to spend a few minutes in the morning and evening taking care of my face. I close the bathroom door, turn the air vent on and grab a few peaceful, prayerful moments to myself.

As far as the other family members go? I slather my little kids in coconut oil head to toe a few nights per week, and use Lucas’ Papaw Ointment on their faces each morning and night after brushing teeth. My teenagers do their own thing but are hilariously receptive to “spa nights,” where I try my lotions and potions and masks on them. My husband washes his face nightly with just water or bar soap (I’ve tried to get him off of it, but he’s allergic to nearly everything). He follows that with a men’s moisturizer and wrinkle prevention/treatment system by RoC. He uses the same moisturizer in the morning, since it has sunscreen in it.

And now, the goods! I’m going to list some concepts and ingredients below as a down-and-dirty tutorial. I’m also going to share products I love (Glossier will get its own post soon), with links if I can find them. Some are affiliate links, which give me discounts on future purchases if you use them. No pressure. Here we go.

Cream cleanser – gentle for mornings and makeup removal. I like the milky jelly cleanser by Glossier and the gentle milk cleanser by Au Thermale Avene. I rub it on my face dry, like a lotion, and then it produces subtle suds when I add water.

Decongesting cleanser – more powerful ingredients to get things rolling for the nighttime routine. I like Skinceuticals. This bottle has lasted more than a year and I don’t think I’ll wash with anything else anytime soon. I noticed results (cleaner pores) in less than a week.

Toner – balances skin pH and preps the skin for serums. I am currently using PMD (gentle) in the morning and Revision (exfoliating) at night. I swipe on with a cotton ball after patting my face dry from washing. This is not the harsh, drying astringent stuff we killed our skin with as teens.

Serums – powerful concoctions of incredible ingredients that activate cell regeneration. They can be watery or viscous. Serums brighten, plump, tighten, attack dark spots, clear acne… you get the picture. I’m currently trying out a bunch of products by The Ordinary. They’re relatively new on the scene, and disrupting the skincare world by offering a price point 10x less than competitors. I’m very happy with Biossance, which is also affordable. My skin actually shines and glows for hours after this stuff. I have also experienced good results with Glossier Supers. The serums are non-negotiables, guys. Washing your face is really just prep for these babies.

Retinol – reduces fines lines and wrinkles, enhances the work that peels and serums do. I am currently using CVS wipes and am very pleased with the brightening effect! I apply after serums and let it dry while I brush my teeth, before moving on to the next step.

Eye cream – works on those fine lines, circle, and bags, depending on the issue you have. Circles and fine lines are my biggest issue, but I haven’t found a cream I completely love yet. I’m currently using RoC. I have very sensitive eyelids and am prone to eczema, so I typically rub Lucas’ Papaw ointment on those.

Eyebrow serum – nothing else to say except I physically and literally watched my eyebrows grow back with NeuBrow. I’ve gone through two bottles over the last two years and will not need to purchase again.

Moisturizer – seals in all of that hard work. Look for one with hyaluronic acid, which can hold a bajillion times its weight in water. It hydrates the mess out of your skin while the serums do their work. I am currently using Glossier Rich and Moon Mask as my sleeping pack.

Here are some fun, random, off-the-top-of-my-head tips… I love the occasional sheet mask for detox and hydration. You can get them really cheap on Amazon. Cutting back on dairy and increasing my water intake has drastically improved my skin, better than any skincare product I’ve found. A lot of companies and stores and spas offer samples for free, and they last for months! Just reach out. If you’re ever confused about the order in which to apply products, go thinnest to thickest. Korean products are some of the most cutting-edge and the most affordable. When I learned about their routine, I wrote down each step of the regimen and listed the products I already had that worked. For sensitivity issues, I try to only add one thing into a routine at a time. I refrain from purchasing new products until my existing items are completely used up. I try to never mess with blemishes, but I do like Mario Badescu for spot treatments.

I think that about sums it up! I hope this was helpful and not overwhelming. Personally, my skincare journey has been a joyful, exhilarating experience within the context of learning to steward my body well. It also happens to be fun and rewarding, with visible progress along the way. Icing on the cake! Now, go wash your face.

household management life lately marriage motherhood skincare

Ground Rules.

Before/during/after you read any of my “this is how we do it” posts, please review the following ground rules. Thank you!

  1. I’m a firm believer that while we can teach as we learn (in fact, it’s one of the best ways to learn), some parts of our journey are meant to be experienced in the quiet, diligent, sometimes difficult spaces. For that reason, I will only share about topics I’ve been tackling with some form of victory for at least one year or more.
  2. I have kept the comments section of my blog closed for several months, and I will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. While I’m open to feedback and conversation via email (contact form at the top), I simply do not have the margin to cultivate and maintain community on this space.
  3. I’m only going to say this once. Please do not insert yourself into my life. For my sake, for yours, for the sake of the One who made you uniquely and wonderfully. There is a very small chance that we are at the same stage of life with matching resources, dynamics, and personalities. Read my stuff, take away what you’d like, adjust some habits if it’s helpful, but stay perfectly you the entire time.
  4. There is not a single topic about which I share that could take place successfully without my husband. Christopher is my rock, my love song, and my constant reminder of Jesus’ love and sacrifice. So keep that in mind when you read about time management, or task-related things, or even self-care. And see #3.
  5. There is not a single topic about which I share that could take place at all without my Savior. I filter every rhythm, every idea, and every breath of my life through a Christian worldview. My personal experience with salvation has been tried and tested, and it’s the only way I know how to do life. So while it’s totally fine if you read my words through a different lens, I need you to know that you’re missing out if you don’t know Jesus.
  6. I might add more rules as I think of them. It’s my space, after all (who remembers MySpace?).

Grateful. Excited. Expectant. Let’s go.

life lately

This blog is weird but I love it and I’m back for awhile.

Around December of 2015, I felt a buzzing in my fingers and in my spirit. I had “made it” through a dark season of depression. My family was operating atop a somewhat smooth collection of rhythms and routines. I had transitioned jobs without turmoil and now found myself with more margin and, dare I say it? Free time. I had traveled a bit, was planning to travel a bit more, and felt refreshed. It was time to start writing regularly. I wrote down some goals, one of which was to post weekly, if not more. I even toyed with the idea of no longer writing captions on my Instagram? I think to make me write here more? Thankfully, my best friend and my husband talked me out of that one. Nevertheless, I was ready to write. A lot.

But then January came and the Lord spoke clearly, once I gave him permission. I’ve shared a bit of that story, but God graciously and mercifully gave me a heads-up that life was going to get more difficult in 2016. He gently rebuked me and told me that I was unprepared. He said it was time to put some discipline back into my life in a way that would soften the blow when it came, whatever it was. What’s more, God told me to put speaking and teaching and writing on hold for the time being. He asked me to be faithful in the small and in the daily.

And so I spent 2016 learning how to have a quiet time and actually spend time with Jesus. I went through Holy Yoga teacher training, which I now fondly refer to as “a mini-seminary coupled with a bendy boot camp.” I returned to school to pursue another nursing degree. I developed a regular exercise routine. I spent more time with my kids than ever. I began to build the tiniest beginnings of authentic community with women nearby. I explored new ways to take care of myself as I age. I dug deeper into intimacy with my husband.

The blows came, and Jesus in me handled them, with only a few bruises. My family and I just kept pressing forward, and I shared little snippets as we went. Along the way, you women pointed out that you had been watching all along. Some of you had followed me since I first hopped onto the Internet nearly fifteen years ago, and others were only just now getting to know me. You sent direct messages, emails, and texts. You left comments and asked questions. Mostly, the questions were peppered in amongst a whole bunch of much-appreciated encouragement. But I’ve begun to notice that a lot of them cover similar themes. You want to know how I do this or what I think about that or how my family makes it work.

So recently, I asked the Lord for some clarity, and I think he said to go for it. I asked my husband for his blessing, and he absolutely said to go for it. Over the next few months, I’m going to start writing again. I’m going to share some of the topics near and dear to my heart. I’m going to talk about the rhythmic and the mundane, the routines and the disciplines in my life that seem to bring God the most glory and me the most good right now.*

When I asked you about it on Instagram, you gave me the oomph I needed. Your suggestions were incredible and gave me a head-start on some topics to cover. But as always, I’m open to feedback. Just click the contact form at the top of this page to send me an email. Thanks for all of the grace and the cheerleading and the prayers. I think this is going to be a sweet, sweet journey.

 

*I can’t help but smirk at this a little. I spent the first few years of blogging exploring my feelings, trying to be dramatic and poetic while finding my voice. Then I chronicled new family life, with a wedding and births and breastfeeding. Then I decided I was most definitely NOT a mommy blogger, and I stopped sharing so much as a picture of my kids on this space. The blog is a weird and beautiful thing. I’m grateful the Lord uses it how he sees fit for each season; I’m just here to be obedient.

 

books & things politics & leadership the whole & simple gospel

Racial reconciliation book list

We’ve got two eyes, two ears, and only one mouth. I believe it’s for a reason. As a white woman who desires to be an ally to my Black community, I feel that it is crucially important to watch and learn first. You’ve got to assess a situation and take notice before you can help. Here’s what I’ve read so far, in no particular order. I’ll continue to add to this list, and I’m always open to suggestions!

{written 1/2017; edited 5/2020}

Disunity in Christ, Christena Cleveland

Between the World and Me, Ta-Nehisi Coates

Same Kind of Different as Me, Ron Hall

Go Set a Watchman, Harper Lee

To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee

Brown Girl Dreaming, Jacqueline Woodson

By Any Means Necessary, Malcom X

The Warmth of Other Suns, Isabel Wilkerson

The Hate U Give, Angie Thomas

On the Come Up, Angie Thomas

I’m Still Here, Austin Channing Brown

The Third Option, Miles McPherson

The Color of Compromise, Jemar Tisby

White Awake, Daniel Hill

White Fragility, Robin DiAngelo

Be The Bridge, Latasha Morrison

The HD Leader, Derwin Gray

Just Mercy, Bryan Stevenson

So You Want to Talk About Race, Ijeoma Oluo

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?, Beverly Daniel Tatum

politics & leadership the whole & simple gospel

Thoughts on election frenzy.

*edit – almost immediately after publishing this post, I received critically important and helpful feedback from some kind folks on Twitter. So I changed the title and made a few edits, because this election DOES matter. The future of America DOES matter. I tried to keep things vague and tidy the first time around, but vague and tidy just doesn’t work during election season. So I took things in a different direction, a topic on which I’m pretty proficient and a direction in which I feel safe leading my readers. Thanks for being such a part of this process!

I love politics. I discovered NPR my freshman year of college and I haven’t recovered since. I’ve always had this desire to know a little bit about a lot of things. I’m almost positive it stems from sin – fear of failure, and desire for approval, and maybe a little pride thrown in. But the genuine thirst for knowledge is real and I’m grateful the Lord put that in me. So I listen, and I read, and how many times do I have to say I love Twitter? I’m a millennial – of COURSE I get my news from social media!

I’ve voted Republican and I’ve voted Democrat, and I’ve never been totally satisfied with either party’s platforms. And that’s okay. Nobody gets it perfectly. No party gets it perfectly. We are sinful and greedy and easily corrupted. This world began falling apart the moment sin entered the world and it won’t stop decaying until Jesus comes back to fix it once and for all. Even in the waiting, I’m still grateful to be an American who loves the democratic process.

I know elections are exhausting to watch. Your brain hurts from all of the ads and your Facebook feeds are probably tired. But here’s why I think it matters to follow politics and current events, both in America and around the world – because God says to look. Both the Old and the New Testaments are filled with examples of God’s desire for us to keep our eyes open. To perceive what he’s doing. To be in this world while not of it. To fight for truth and justice as he defines it. To bind up broken hearts and set people free. And so we listen, and we read, and we talk about it, and we rally, and we vote.

But there’s a catch. It’s easy to get burnt out. It’s easy to succumb to fear or feelings of overwhelm or hopelessness. Self-care is important. I could say I don’t get caught up in the frenzy, because I know who wins in the end and I know the God I serve cares about truth and justice even more than I do. But there’s more to it than that, on a daily, micro level. I guess when it comes down to it, I have an election self-care regimen.

I refuse to engage in conversations that involve hateful, damaging, fear-mongering language about the direction in which this country is headed. I thank God that I live with a black President and a woman Presidential candidate. I fact check a lot. I open my Bible each morning and look for clues on how to love people better and what God says about leadership. I click through several funny political memes per day. My favorites were from the second debate.

I gather my kids around the table and teach them how to look at the world through a viewfinder that says a man named Jesus died for it. I remind them that this includes every single person, all of the genders and all of the colors, with all of the baggage anyone cares to bring to the table. I stay off of social media at least one day per week, sometimes two. I practice saying things like, “You might be right” (thanks, Jess). I pray for more humility and wisdom. I bite my tongue more now than I ever have in my life. I also speak up more than I ever have in my life. Because there is a time for everything, and this matters.

health & wellness life lately the whole & simple gospel

The bottom never falls out here.

I knew it was coming. I’d already heard the word discipline from the Lord several times throughout the month of January, as if he was asking me to put in the work now so I could reap the harvest later. When I finally had some clarity, I told my husband about the stirring in my heart. Some stuff is going to hit the fan for us this year. I think someone might get sick, or we might lose an income, or there might be new relational chaos in our family. I want to be prepared when it happens.

Ever supportive of my spiritual gifts, my dear husband gave me some serious side eye and told me to pipe down. Then he closed his eyes and nodded. And shook his head, at the same time. If my man could figure out a way to build a house in the clouds, he would move our family to the sky in a heartbeat. Chris could literally get punched in the face and he’d pull himself out of the dirt, dust himself off, smile, and make some comment about how there’s nowhere to go but up from there. In that moment at our kitchen table, he knew I’d heard from God, but he didn’t want to think about our lives being turned upside-down.

And eight months later, upside-down they went! In the course of just a few weeks, our family has experienced significant sickness, loss of income, and relational chaos. I’m trying my hardest to compare it to other times my life has felt dark and hopeless, because these are some of the most extreme events to ever happen to us. And yet, this is the most at peace I’ve ever felt. I don’t feel dark and heavy. I feel light and hopeful, excited even. Because we’ve been preparing for this all year.

Mere weeks after my word from the Lord in January, I sat at the IF:gathering and listened to Katherine describe her life-changing stroke and subsequent recovery. She said that in her darkest moments, she reminded herself that THIS IS NOT A DRILL. This is what she’d been training for, in a spiritual sense. All of the Scripture, all of the prayers, all of the diligent times spent with Jesus, they came flooding back to her and kept her company while she lay in a hospital bed, unable to communicate with anyone. As I listened to her words, I felt God again remind me of our conversations a month prior. It almost felt as if he was nudging me to stop wasting time. No need to be flailing about and trying to remember a random Psalm when the bottom drops out. And so I got ready. I got after healthy rhythms and relationships like my life depended on it.

I started reading my Bible every morning, and not just when I remembered to or on a phone app in the car. When people ask, I try not to sound blunt in my reply. I just read it. No reading plans, no journals. I pick one book at a time, and I read one chapter per day until that book is done. Throughout the day, I ask the Lord to remind me things from my morning’s reading. What does he want to tell me about himself, myself, and the world?

I also started going to the gym every day. Not just a few times per month for yoga classes, or on a Saturday morning when I had some free time. I work out five days a week, for twenty minutes each morning. This is another question I get a lot, about how I make it work. I just go. The answer might seem unrealistic to some, but it took so much time and work to get to this place as a family. We literally changed jobs and moved things around in our budget to get the morning routine we have today. And now my husband and I start our days together while apart (how couples do the same workout next to each other, I might never know), moving our bodies and asking God how he wants to use us today.

Lastly, I really started to let people in. I feel like I went to my best friend Jess and my husband and blurted out I HAVE A PRIDE PROBLEM, but I know it was more nuanced than that (I hate nuance. Even the word. It feels wimpy to me. I’m so stinkin’ black and white). I basically asked them to speak life AND truth over me, and I practiced receiving correction. I got used to the idea that I’m busted and broken even WITH Jesus, and I learned to guzzle grace. I’m still working on the “extending it others” part, but the Lord is kind and gentle while he teaches me.

And so here we are. The actual bottom is trying to fall out, and I’m still standing. There is healing here. This is a story of redemption. A few years ago when things got rough, I wanted out. Out of my marriage, out of motherhood, out of this world. And this time, I’m smiling (weakly, tightly sometimes) and whispering under my breath that this is not a drill.

I can take heart. He’s already overcome the world. And I’m not alone. God looks at some of these worldly circumstances of mine and he enters into the pain with me. It ought not be, he whispers. I get it. This is bad. But can we go back to all of those things I promised you? All of the things you’ve read about me in Scripture, bragged about me to your friends and people online? Let’s camp out on those. Stand on my promises. The bottom never falls out here.

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five things on a friday

Five things on a Friday.

iPhone apps I use practically everyday (and you might, too):

  1. Twitter. My first and forever social media love. This is where I stay caught up current events, politics, local happenings, and pop culture. This is also the number 1 spot for me to stay engaged with the Black community and learn more about my role in the journey to racial reconciliation. Black Twitter is like, the most amazing, thoughtful, helpful, HILARIOUS thing to happen to the Internet.
  2. Clue. Because ladies, we are WAY TOO OLD to not know what’s happening to our bodies on the regular. I chart my periods, moods, and pain here (this includes random headaches or fatigue). You can remove the parts of charting you don’t want (ovulation, for example, if you aren’t trying to make more babies). You can also receive push notifications as a heads-up when things are heating up (i.e. DO NOT PICK A FIGHT WITH YOUR HUSBAND TODAY, YOU’RE A LITTLE CRAY). Speaking of husbands, mine actually started charting my cycles way before I did. Because he’s kind and gentle and brilliant.
  3. Audible. For a monthly subscription fee, you get one free book each month, plus discounts to a bajillion other audio books. I try to get through two books per month, and I’ll listen to everything from celebrity memoirs to heavy women-in-the-Church theology. This also keeps me from checking my phone while driving (yikes) or gorging on NPR all day in the car.
  4. Wunderlist. I know I’ve talked about it before, but it just cannot NOT make the list today. My husband and I started using it three years ago when we had a knock-down drag-out discussion (lol) about rhythms and grocery shopping and how alone I felt in the household duties. He found this app and we’ve been using it happily and faithfully ever since. In addition to our grocery lists (which we have categorized by store), we keep wish lists for ourselves and dream projects for the house on there. It’s a great place to store ideas for gifts and travel, as well.
  5. Google Maps. Just kidding. I mean, yes, but that’s boring. Let’s go with VSCO. This is where I collect photos that I know I’d like to share someday. I’m able to edit them at my own pace, while I either come up with a clever caption or wait for the Lord to give me something to share (this does NOT mean the Lord isn’t clever. He very much is). I do try to keep a certain aesthetic look on my Instagram, a concept about which I am absolutely unashamed, and I prefer the M5 and the S2 filters with a few tweaks thrown in.

What about you? What apps do YOU love?

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