five things on a friday

Five things on a Friday.

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Books I’m determined to finish before the weather warms:

1. Girls with Swords. I started it last year, and then I went a little crazy with depression and anxiety so I had to put it away until I healed a bit. I recently picked it back up and feel more encouraged than ever. This is really every woman’s anthem. Lisa has this way of pumping you up and making you feel brave but called and rooted, all at the same time.

2. Yes Please. To say this book is changing my life might sound a little dramatic, but it is definitely one of the books I’ll remember and reference and re-read for years to come. Amy is wise and humble and a little bit saucy, which combines into a fast read that inspires me and keeps me laughing. I took notes and underlined things if you wanna borrow my copy.

3. Knocking on Heaven’s Door. This title sat on my wish list for months, and Chris surprised me with it for Valentine’s Day. Romantic, right?! No but really, it’s one investigative reporter’s journey about her parents’ last several years of life. It’s part-memoir, part whistle-blower piece about the importance of discussion and planning.

4. Love Does. Is it embarrassing that I haven’t finished this yet? I originally bought it for my husband, but eventually sneaked it from his nightstand to mine. It’s a super easy read, full of essays and stories about fun acts of kindness that will brighten your day. I also like that it can be put on pause and restarted again at any time. Bob is patient.

5. Make it Happen. We’re reading this one for our network book club, and it couldn’t be more perfect for the start of the year. Lara walks people through the fears that keep them from going after their dreams, and she balances those get-after-it pep talks with a healthy dose of the gospel. This one’s a must-read for anyone who feels like they were meant for something more, but the “more” is scary.

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community the whole & simple gospel

Raise your voice about someone else, for a change.

Part 3 of DEFENSELESS, a collection of thoughts for 2015.

I was raised in a two-parent home where we ate dinner together several nights per week. My mom never had to work and my dad never missed a dance recital or a play or a sporting event. I went to private school and drove my dream car at age sixteen and got to hand-pick my college. At my wedding, my mom helped me get ready and my little brother played a song and my dad walked me down the aisle before paying for it all. I’m embarrassed to say it took me more than twenty years to look that life in the face and acknowledge how blessed and privileged it was.

You may have already heard this spiel recently, but get used to it. I’m going to get mouthy about it this year. I’ve felt some serious freedom from the Lord to open up about my privilege and my desire to listen for the cry in the night. This is way bigger than race, too. This is about proclaiming freedom for people other than myself.

You’re already free, Rach. I set you free a long time ago. You just keep forgetting. Raise your voice about someone else, for a change.

Everyday I meet women locked up in their own fear and insecurity. Everyday I meet people living in the shadows of shame and regret from their own pasts. Everyday I meet someone who’s been burnt by the Church. Those people are worth my volume. If we all spent a little more time proclaiming freedom for others, imagine how much space that would leave in our own lives for God to break chains.

I want to take a good hard look at the way Jesus loved people, and then ask Him to help me walk in that direction. When tense conversations arise and people start getting loud about politics and religion and morality, I want to be found standing on the “wrong” side of the line, arms outstretched with Jesus’ name on my lips. Those stones will have to go through me first.

If you feel like your voice has been shut down or locked up or drowned out, you are my freedom bell. I’m about to do my best to let it ring. Privilege acknowledged. I want to stand for the defenseless.

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health & wellness life lately the whole & simple gospel

You can be strong and soft.

Part 2 of DEFENSELESS, a collection of thoughts for 2015.

Recently someone told me I had a strong personality, and y’all… it totally hurt my feelings. I listen and read and ask a lot of questions, but I talk a lot too. I try to keep it to invite-only, but when someone asks how I feel about something, I’d like to think there’s freedom to share it. So why did it sting to hear my personality referred to as strong? Without getting into politics and discussing feminism, can I say I felt hurt because of my perception of womanhood?

I’ve always had a fear of being “too much.” I don’t think men could ever understand this, but you women know what I’m talking about. I fully acknowledge that I lead a very privileged life, and don’t worry. I’m discussing that tomorrow. Privilege aside, there’s still a lot of stigma out there with women and their roles. In some conversations, I feel like I can’t say the same thing as my husband without receiving judgment. In some conversations, I feel like my opinions are unwelcome or regarded as out of place. Even if those things aren’t actually true, I feel the weight of my womanhood as a burden when it comes to my voice.

To be clear, the comment was made in a conversation full of love and encouragement. But there were several similar conversations over the span of a few months, and the culmination of it all got my wheels turning. I went on this quest to prove that I wasn’t strong. I remember raising my voice at my husband in my kitchen one night about it. I told him I felt like I was ringing a bell that sang,  “I am meek! I am mild! I am a listener! I follow directions!” and that I felt like nobody was listening to me. I remember raising my voice. Being defensive.

And then I began to see. I might actually have a strong personality. There’s nothing wrong with that. God made me fearfully and wonderfully, and He designed me to communicate to people. He created me strong.

But He also created me to be soft, to listen and choose to stay quiet sometimes. He created me to meet people where they’re at, to sit on opinions and work through them. He created me to filter my perspective through the gospel of Jesus and how fiercely He loves people. Just watch Me, Rach. Watch Me and learn. You can be strong and soft.

Strength celebrated and leveraged. Eyes and ears and heart open. I stand defenseless.

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the whole & simple gospel

Your stuff stinks, too.

Part 1 of DEFENSELESS, a collection of thoughts for 2015.

I got saved in preschool and galloped through years of Christian school on a high horse, writing papers with titles like “Statement of Faith” and skipping out on a semester of college to travel the world with a missions organization. Several years later I married a man who had also grown up with Jesus but carried some baggage. I passionately played the role of savior. I was determined to pull him out of his miry depths and give him hope. Looking back, I’m just grateful the Lord did those things in spite of me.

And it wasn’t just my husband. Now that I’m acutely, painfully aware of it, I can see this playing itself out in many relationships and environments growing up. Give me all of the problems! Come to me, all you weary! You make me feel so much better about myself! I guess deep down, I felt like God would be more pleased with me or something? I don’t know. I’ve always felt secure in my salvation but I’ve also always battled an obsession with approval. Maybe I craved that with the Lord. When I felt conviction about something, I’d give myself a pep talk about all of the things I’d done right in life. When I felt the burden of sin, I’d try to deflect it. I’d commiserate with friends to make myself feel less icky, or I’d downplay it or flat-out ignore it.  Ignoring my own pride and focusing on others’ problems might have been a subconscious strategy to get that pat on the back I’ve been living for all of these years. God would be pleased with me, right?

Wrong. Not just wrong, but horribly wrong. Like, better off dead with a millstone around my neck in the depths of the ocean wrong. Not only had I been prideful for years in other areas of my life, I had brought it into my marriage and my life as a mother in such a destructive way. And instead of patting me on the back, God recently smacked me in the mouth.

Hey, Rach? Your stuff stinks, too. I died on the cross for you, too. You might’ve given your life to me at a young age and had a pretty easy life so far, but you don’t stand clean
without Me. In fact, you can’t do much of anything right without Me. You are pretty much a mess most days.

He asked me to sit down for awhile, on one of those uncomfortable chairs in my heart that makes me squirm and tempts me to people-please my way out of it. And God kept telling me nope. He told me that it was for my good, that I wouldn’t be able to please my way out of it anyway and I might actually die trying. He told me he wants to give me life abundantly, but that sort of freedom involves humility and confession and repentance.

Walls torn down, accolades cast aside. I stand defenseless.

 

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life lately

The big theme in 2015.

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It’s taken me nearly all month to put some words to my thoughts for 2015, and I really have no excuses. In fact, that’s part of the theme in itself. It’s more than just a word, but a word is where we can start.

defenseless.

I’ve been sitting on it and wrestling with it for weeks now, and it’s coming to the blog in three parts this week. Today, I just want to get our minds turning a bit. What does the word defenseless mean to you?

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fashion life lately

A capsule wardrobe – let’s do this thing.

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We had a lot going on in 2013. Because we moved into the farm house and welcomed Hadassah Lee that year, a close watch was kept over both our finances and our storage space. As a little challenge and experiment, I decided to refrain from purchasing any new clothing for myself for the entire year. Y’all, it was not as hard as you might think. I encourage everyone to try it for a a few months, at least. In fact, it became difficult to shop again – as crazy as that sounds! I decided to break the streak after about fourteen months, in preparation for a cruise this past spring. I found myself putting things back before I even hit the dressing room. I had gotten so used to avoiding shopping that I kept convincing myself I didn’t need anything new at all, even after the year was over. Don’t worry, that feeling didn’t last for very long.

During that shopping trip, I picked up a few pieces that would serve as the foundation of what I had decided would be my new style. Nothing exciting, really, just a classic look that felt comfortable without looking too comfortable. Does that make sense? I’ve been exploring this idea with the help of ladies like Hayley for years. I think it’s important that women, especially moms, maintain their own sense of identity through style as they move through life.

As the months passed, I pared down my closet further and further. If I hadn’t worn something in six months, I put it away. If it fit but I didn’t love it on my post-baby body (ex: a belly button that pokes out through my shirts, for real), I put it away. I also started reading about the capsule wardrobe movement, with really helpful input from Caroline and Elise and Jacey. By the middle of December, I’d given away or consigned a ton of my clothes, and stored the rest in a bin out in the shed. I even slipped a note into the bin that reads, Clothes I hid from myself in December of 2014. The plan is to incorporate those into a spring capsule or get rid of them when the time comes. Although I’ve been slowly working up to it all year, this is the first season I’m being official about it and I think I’ve gotten my winter capsule all lined up. I kept things very simple because although I love rules, they stress me out. And I love moderation.

My goal was to keep my wardrobe under 40 pieces, not including coats or shoes or accessories. I don’t have a ton of those anyway, so it’s not like I had a lot of sorting and choosing to do. I also have zero reasons to wear a dress this winter, so I didn’t put a dress in this capsule either. I ended up with ten bottoms and around twenty-five tops, including sweaters. I’m still in the process of swapping out a few things, but I really didn’t need to purchase a lot.

I’ve also never really been a seasonal shopper. My mom did a really good job of teaching me to buy what I need when I need it and not get all riled up about phrases like back-to-school shopping. So a lot of this new capsule was stuff I already owned. There’s a whole of black and white and gray, so I eliminated the few brown-themed pieces I had and stored them away for next fall. I found a lot of freedom in that. There’s no pressure to keep something in my closet just because it works for cold weather. It can be used for early spring or fall next year. I did not include any basics in my count, like pajamas and work-out clothes and camisoles. I also did not include my work scrubs in the count, although I did scale my collection down to six matching pairs.

There’s really nothing militant about building a capsule. Instead, I found it’s about building your style first, and then building your wardrobe around it. Every time you get dressed, you should feel good about the way you look. So I simply got rid of the stuff that didn’t make me feel good. I stopped hoarding the free t-shirts from work, and I stopped wearing the pajama pants I’ve owned since middle school that make my husband snort. Instead, I slowly replaced my pajama drawer with solid color tees that are comfy enough for wearing around the house but presentable enough for wearing out of the house too. I stopped making impulse purchases at places like Target and Forever 21, and I started buying better-quality pieces at affordable places like Nordstrom Rack or eBay or even second-hand Instagram shops from women I know and trust. I stopped trying to wear things that don’t work with my body (ex: boyfriend jeans), and I started paying attention to the way that certain fits make me feel. Now that I can accurately describe my own style, everything I buy has to complement everything else in my closet – or else I don’t buy it. And now that I’ve built a wardrobe around my style, I feel good in every outfit. Seriously, I strut or dance down the hallway pretty much every day now, because of the way this capsule makes me feel. And as silly or trendy as this capsule wardrobe movement might seem to some, that’s reason enough to keep me on the bandwagon.

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community life lately

Managing an online life.

Being online is an interesting, potentially tricky lifestyle. If you hold any sort of online presence (yes, even Facebook), you’ve probably entertained some questions before. Do you blog daily? Do you post to Instagram in real time? How do you manage internet life with real life? How do you know what to share and when?

A few things. First, the internet is real life. As much as people want to poo-poo that, you know it’s true. Maybe you’ve developed solid relationships with people you’ve met online. Or maybe you’ve maintained old relationships in a more consistent manner, thanks to the internet. Regardless of how you feel about it, the internet is real. It’s tangible and fruit comes from it and when you do it right, it’s just as important as your “real life.” That’s why we feel the Influence Network is so important. Your time spent online had better be worth it. It needs to count, right? But I digress. The point is, this area of my life needs tending just like everything else. So when people ask how I manage the balance, I try to answer that clearly. I simply make time for the internet, and I’m intentional about it.

Something else that has been huge for me over the last couple of years is the realization that my online life is my space. I created it, I manage it, and I can control what goes on there. After over a decade of blogging, I’ve encountered my share of negative feedback online. And although I’m very sensitive about it, I’m okay with it. Criticism is not an attack on who I am. I’ve actually learned a lot from criticism I’ve received online. I am seriously a better writer because of some it.

But I don’t think it’s defensive to say people don’t actually know me when they see my online life. People see what I put out there. And I also don’t think that’s fake or deceitful. It’s my space. It’s my choice. Although they say the internet is just a highlight reel for people, I’m not afraid for mine to show a few clips of me falling on my face. However, those clips will be on my terms. I choose not to write about the big boys’ mom, or mommy war topics like vaccinations and circumcision. I don’t have to post a photo of the hole in my ceiling from the recent plumbing work. I don’t keep an editorial calendar for this blog, and I only put out content when I have something to say. I don’t live tweet the arguments I have with my family. Sometimes I hang onto photos or ideas or stories for weeks and post them later on down the road. Because at the moment I experience something, it’s mine. The moment is mine. It’s something I get to hold and experience and cherish, and then choose later on whether or not to share.

When it comes to what I share, I use a pretty basic filter. I rattle my way through a bunch of questions before I head in a direction, be it a tweet or an Instagram photo or a blog post. Will I look back on this later and be okay with it? Is this an area where I experienced growth, or where I was forced to look at something differently? Did this change me? Did I enjoy this moment? Was I humbled by it? Will someone else be encouraged or humored as a result? Does this protect people from shame or embarrassment? Is it good content? Would I want to read this or look at it? Does it promote conversation?

I guess it’s a modern twist on Philippians 4:8. But you’ve seen 90’s fashion come back. There truly is nothing new under the sun, right? After I asked myself those filter questions time after time, it just became second nature. Show the kids the photo and ask for permission before I post it. Run an idea by a couple of women I trust before publishing it online. Smile at a memory in secret for a few weeks before developing it into a story to share. Just like every other area of my life, the internet isn’t mine for keeps. I’m just trying to do life with open hands. I’m just trying to listen out for what the Lord wants me to do with what He gives me.

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